


it wasn't like a rain it was more like a sea

by crispierchip



Category: Men's Hockey RPF
Genre: Aftercare, Alternate Universe - BDSM, Anal Sex, Bondage, Comeplay, Felching, Flogging, Intercrural Sex, Kneeling, M/M, Relationship of Convenience, Rimming, Safeword Use, Spanking, Temperature Play
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-26
Updated: 2019-04-26
Packaged: 2020-02-04 17:49:19
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 31,210
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18609478
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/crispierchip/pseuds/crispierchip
Summary: Nate looks away, shifting his weight between his feet. “Uh, it’s a contract,” he says.EJ stares at him for a moment. “I didn’t know you were seeing someone,” he blurts out once he’s done staring because that’s the only reasonable explanation for this.Nate looks up at him, confused and weirded out at the same time. “I’m not,” he says. “It’s for you,” he adds.In which the NHL requires subs over the age of 31 to be collared, and EJ finds himself in a tough spot.





	it wasn't like a rain it was more like a sea

**Author's Note:**

> i could turn a blind eye to erik johnson saying, "just tie me up," on camera, but when he put on a collar for halloween i decided i had to write 30k of d/s au! write the fic u want to see in the world i guess haha?
> 
> huge thanks to kay, who not only had to suffer through A Lot of typos but also told me this was hot when I needed to hear it. thank you <33 also to charlotte, who gave me the idea on how to start this <33
> 
> title from the national bc i once again am the writer and i get to do what i want!
> 
> skip to the end notes for spoilery warnings.

The Avs go through a bad stretch in February. Everybody’s frustrated, and EJ  — he is too. He tries to be, anyway, tries to focus on his team when his mind is not too busy running in circles. 

_ 44 days _ , he keeps thinking, which feels self-centered when his team has lost four in a row but he can’t shake the thought. Hasn’t been able to shake it in a while, ever since the start of the season, when Joe pulled him aside and asked him if he had someone. 

EJ had stared at him, a little dumbly, and then he’d noticed the pained look on Joe’s face. 

“Because you’re turning 31 this season,” Joe had explained, and EJ got it then, everything that Joe wasn’t saying. 

He’d frozen in place, his words stuck in his throat and Joe had been quick to pick up on EJ’s uneasiness, even quicker to backtrack. Not that it mattered; EJ had already started counting backwards, and he’s made it all the way to 44 days now and still doesn’t have a Dom. 

Which is why he goes out after the game, another loss, and why he says yes when a Dom walks up to him and asks to buy him a drink. The Dom — he introduces himself as Ryan — is shorter than EJ but bulky, and he doesn’t seem to mind that he has to look up to meet EJ’s eyes; EJ likes that.

He likes how easy Ryan is with his touches, too, and how deep his voice gets. That’s probably why he shivers when Ryan asks, “Think you can handle subbing for me, big guy?” not ten minutes into the conversation.

There is a clear challenge in Ryan’s voice, and his smile has shifted into something predatory. EJ isn’t sure how to feel about that. He wants to prove himself to Ryan even though he just met him, but he’s also experienced enough to know that he should probably get to know him a little better first. 

EJ only has 44 days though, and there is something to be said about broadening your dating pool, anyway. He takes a deep breath and nods, feels Ryan’s hand squeeze the back of his neck and shivers again. 

+

Ryan insists they go back to his place instead of EJ’s. EJ hedges and tries to convince him otherwise, but Ryan is pretty set on it, and EJ only has 44 days. This won’t be the first time he’s subbing for a stranger at their house either, so he tells himself it’s no big deal. 

Ryan seems satisfied with EJ’s agreement. He says, “I’ll make it so good for you, have you begging in no time,” and the sneer is back.

EJ gets a little uneasy so he doesn’t tell Ryan he’s not the begging type, just gets in his car. He lets out a breath when Ryan asks him what he likes, because he just thought — maybe for only a moment — that Ryan wouldn't care.

But Ryan is smiling again, and it looks kind, now, so EJ tells him that he likes being flogged. He doesn’t mention bondage even though it’s his favorite because he doesn’t do that with strangers, and tells Ryan he likes being marked, too.

Ryean seems happy with what EJ’s given him. “I think I have an idea of what I’m gonna do with you,” he says. There is a promise there that has EJ licking his lips, looking away in deference. 

Ryan seems to like that too. He pats EJ’s thigh and says, “Good,” and EJ tries not to let it show, how much that gets to him. “Safeword?”

“Green, yellow, red to stop,” EJ tells him. This is what he’s used ever since he started going to a professional and hasn’t bothered to change it since; he likes routine like that. 

“Okay,” Ryan says. “I’ll use the same, then.” 

They’re stopped at a red light, and Ryan puts his hand on the back of EJ’s enck again. “And you can call me ‘sir’,” he says.

EJ nods. His voice feels breathy when he says, “Yes, sir,” but Ryan squeezes the back of his neck, so EJ thinks he likes it.

Ryan’s house seems nice, not that EJ gets to see much of it. As soon as they’re inside, Ryan has EJ pressed up against the wall, his lips on EJ’s throat, right where a collar would be. It’s intimate, more intimate than EJ likes from a stranger, but Ryan’s mouth feels good, his tongue even better where it’s licking circles onto EJ’s skin. 

Ryan keeps that up for a while, until EJ’s knees are feeling weak, and then he’s nudging EJ towards the bedroom or the playroom — EJ can’t tell which. He tells EJ to take off his clothes and kneel on the floor by the bed, and EJ does so. 

EJ knows all the tricks — he makes sure his posture is straight, showing off his shoulders and his neck, and keeps his gaze on the floor. He can see Ryan’s feet as he walks around him, and then he can feel Ryan's hands too, as he touches EJ. 

“You didn’t say anything about liking bondage,” Ryan starts, “So you can hold onto the bars.”

EJ’s hands are steady as he reaches out because he’s done this enough times, by now. He curls his hands around the bars at the foot of the bed and hears Ryan’s approving hum. 

“Stay,” he says. His voice is even deeper than before, and EJ can feel it settle into him.

For a moment EJ thinks about saying something, letting Ryan know that he won't be able to hold this position for long because of his knees. But so far this feels good, with Ryan’s hands all over his back. More than that Ryan told him to stay and EJ wants Ryan to want to see him again — that’s the whole point of this, so he says nothing.

“God, I want to do so many things to you, you have no idea,” Ryan murmurs. His fingers runs through EJ’s hair, nails scratching at the scalp, and EJ shudders. 

He knows this is just what Doms say during a scene, but it gets to him still, has him leaning into Ryan’s touch, wordlessly asking for more. Ryan gives it to him, keeps touching him until EJ is almost dizzy with it, his dick growing hard.

“You ready for the flogger now?” he asks, after a couple of minutes. His voice is soft, like EJ could say  _ no  _ just as easily as he could say  _ yes, sir _ , but EJ wants to impress him. 

“Yes, sir,” he says. His knees are starting to ache, now, and that brings him a bit out of the scene a little, but the anticipation more than makes up for it. 

Behind him, EJ can hear Ryan open a drawer, close it. Then he can feel the tail ends of the flogger stroke over his skin, a barely there touch as Ryan lets him get used to it.

“I’ll start with this, it’s a bit duller,” Ryan explains. “And then we can move to one with the weighted ends.” He sounds like he’s looking forward to it, and EJ feels his stomach curl with pride. 

“Yes, sir,” he says. 

“Good boy.” Ryan runs his fingers through EJ’s hair again like he’s picked up on how much EJ likes it, but he’s pulled his hand away before EJ can really dwell on that.

The first stroke is light, but EJ still jerks forward a bit. It’s mostly because he wasn't expecting it, but Ryan steadies him anyway, a gentle hand on EJ’s shoulder. It’s only for a moment though and then the flogger is coming down again, a bit harder this time, on EJ’s other shoulder. 

EJ hisses, and Ryan keeps going like that for a while, alternating sides and speed until EJ’s skin is feeling tingly. Ryan is good with the flogger; he only hits too close to EJ’s spine a couple of times and even then it’s not hard. 

EJ still can’t get into it. He tries because Ryan is doing a good job and telling EJ he’s doing good, too, but EJ played a game not three hours ago and his knees are starting to hurt now. For the second time, he thinks about saying something and although he doesn’t believe Ryan will be disappointed EJ doesn’t want to risk it.

He says, “Harder, sir,” instead, and gets a hand on the back of his neck for it, a “Good boy,” from Ryan that makes him shiver.

Ryan hits him harder, hard enough that EJ can really feel it, now. He jerks with it, the first few times, but gets used to it pretty quickly before Ryan switches to a different flogger. He tells EJ he’s doing good and EJ relaxes into the praise. 

“You’re doing good,” he tells EJ, and EJ lets himself relax into the praise.

EJ’s eyes sting when he feels the weighted ends of the flogger hit his skin, and that helps. It keeps him from thinking about his knees or about how he’s on a stranger’s floor getting flogged because he needs to find a Dom before the NHL finds one for him. 

It’s a sobering thought, and EJ shakes his head, tightens his fingers around the bars of the bed frame. 

“You need a minute?” Ryan asks him. He’s stopped hitting EJ, is stroking his shoulders with his hand instead.

EJ’s gone soft; he hopes Ryan can’t see it between his body and the bed. He says, “Just — harder, sir,” and when Ryan hesitates he tacks on, “Please,” because he remembers what Ryan had said back at the bar about begging. 

It takes a second, and then Ryan says, “You got it,” before bringing the flogger down on EJ’s shoulder, hard. EJ makes a sound, choked off, and Ryan does it again, a few times, until EJ is panting. 

“You’re so good for me,” Ryan tells him, and EJ breathes out. 

Ryan is doing everything right, is the thing. He’s hitting EJ the way EJ asked to be hit and he’s praising him and touching him, and EJ just can’t get into it. He keeps thinking about his knees, how they feel achy and sore, and his shoulders, and he has  _ practice  _ tomorrow. “Red,” he says, feeling his shoulders sag with it. 

There’s a moment, and then Ryan is putting the flogger down. “Okay,” he says. “What do you need?”

“I —” EJ starts, but the words get caught in his throat. “My hands — can I let go of the bars?” he manages. His voice is thick and he clears his throat.

“Yeah, yeah,” Ryan says quickly. “Of course.” 

EJ had a pretty good grip going on the bars, so his fingers feel kind of numb once he straightens them. His knees crack, too, when he stands up, and he can see Ryan starting to reach out from the corner of his eyes before he fortunately catches himself and pulls his hand back. 

EJ moves to sit on the bed. He’s been naked for a while but he’s only starting to feel it now. He reaches for his clothes and says, “I wasn’t really…” without knowing how to finish that sentence.

“Oh,” Ryan says. “You should have said,” he adds, and EJ makes a face at the floor. He  _ should  _ have.

“I — I think I should go,” he says, because he doesn’t want to be here right now. 

“You don’t want to stick around?” Ryan asks him. EJ is not looking at him, but he can see Ryan cross his arms over his chest from the corner of his eye. 

“I — sorry, I just,” he starts, stops. Starts again, “I have to go to work tomorrow.” EJ thinks that’s a pretty lame excuse, but Ryan doesn’t fight him on it. He hands EJ his pants and asks him if he’s sure. 

“I could put some cream on your back,” he offers. “And I’m a great cuddler,” he adds. He gives EJ a tentative smile, and EJ almost says yes. 

He wants to, too, but he’s cold and his knees ache. His face feels warm but not as warm as his back and shoulder, and he feels like such an idiot. “It’s cool,” he ends up saying, shrugging around the words. “Sorry for…” EJ waves a hand around, vague and all encompassing. 

Ryan shrugs. “Don't worry about it,” he says easily. “It happens.”

EJ knows that. It just doesn’t happen to him. 

+

EJ is shivering by the time he makes it to his bed. He had known he would be, but he still hates it. He can’t even find the energy for a shower, just grabs a second blanket from his closet and throws it over his bed before getting under the covers. 

The skin of his back feels tight and hot and he thinks it will be even worse tomorrow. His knees had protested all the way up the stairs to his bedroom. He looks at his phone and it’s past midnight. 

_ 43 days _ , he thinks. 

+

EJ wakes up cold, even under the blankets. His back hurts and when he looks at it in his bathroom mirror, the skin is still red and irritated, going a bit purple in some parts. EJ presses his fingers into the bruises and hisses.

EJ has enough to experience to recognize this for what it is, other than a byproduct of his own stupidity, of course. He knows that he’s dropping but there’s not much he can do about it now, other than get in the shower and get ready for practice.

Showering helps. The hot water warms him up a little and works on the tightness of his skin, but he still steps out of the spray feeling a little funny. He has no appetite either, but he forces food into his mouth because he can’t go to practice on an empty stomach. 

EJ does his best to seem normal at the rink, but Gabe must pick up on something. He sticks close to EJ and doesn’t ask him if he’s okay even though he looks like he might want to. Gabe is the only person EJ has told about the collaring deadline, and he’s taken it about as well as EJ could expect. 

At first he offered to set EJ up, then, when that didn’t work, to be EJ’s wingman, before finally settling for going out with EJ and glaring at any Dom he disapproved of. Unsurprisingly, that happened to be most of the Doms EJ was interested in. So EJ started going out on his own which usually turned out pretty well except for last night. 

Gabe offers EJ a ride home after practice. He says, “We could hang out at yours,” and EJ turns him down. 

“I have a car,” he says, and it comes out a bit sharper than he’d meant. 

Gabe’s mouth twists into a frown but he doesn’t push it. It looks like it takes effort on his part not to. “Just — text me?” he finally asks. “For whatever.”

EJ tries to smile but it feels flat. “Sure, buddy,” he says, walking past Gabe to get to his car. 

EJ’s barely made it back home when there’s a knock on his door. He’s fully expecting it to be Gabe because he’s incapable of leaving these things alone so he doesn’t even check before pulling the door open. 

“Oh my god, Gabe,” EJ’s saying, but it’s Nate standing on his doorstep instead of Gabe. 

“Just me,” Nate says. He’s huddled up in his coat and a scarf, hands shoved in his pockets, and he awkwardly shifts his weight between his feet.

“Oh,” EJ says. “What are you doing here?”

Nate shrugs. “Just wondering if you wanted to grab lunch,” he says, and his voice tilts up at the end, like a question. 

EJ narrows his eyes. “Did Gabe put you up to this?” he asks. It comes out a little accusatory. 

Nate raises both gloved hands. “I asked,” he says. Then, “You just seemed a little… I don’t know,  _ off  _ at practice, and I wanted to make sure everything was okay.”

EJ leans against the door, going for casual and probably missing when he winces as the wood presses into his bruises. “I’m fine,” he says. 

“So, you’re up for lunch,” Nate presses. 

EJ opens his mouth, closes it again. He walked right into that one. “I —”

“Or we could order in,” Nate suggests. “Or just stand on your porch like two weirdos,” he goes on, shrugging. “Up to you.”

EJ is still pressed against the doorframe, and it hurts. It makes him feel like an idiot because last night definitely was not one of his better moments. More than that though, EJ doesn’t really want to be alone right now. He stayed alone last night when he shouldn't have and he might be better now but he can tell he’s still not quite himself yet. 

He rolls his eyes, in the end, and watches Nate’s shoulders drop. “Fine, we’ll order in,” he says. “You’re paying.”

Nate laughs but says, “Sure.” He toes off his shoes in EJ’s hallway and hangs up his coat, his scarf too before peeling his gloves off and following EJ to the living room. 

EJ’s expecting some sort of interrogation, in all honesty, but it doesn’t come. Nate seems to content to sit on EJ’s sofa and play along with EJ’s half hearted arguments on what to eat. They settle on steak, which is not surprising at all. Then EJ puts on the NHL network and they watch highlights from last night’s games. 

Nate lets EJ settle into it before saying, “So, listen,” and EJ knew this was coming but he winces anyway. “I’m sure Gabe already told you this,” Nate goes on, “But you — you don’t have to go to strangers, if you need someone to sub for.”

“He did,” EJ says, both because it’s the truth and because he hopes it will help him get out of this conversations sooner rather than later. It doesn’t. 

“Yeah, so, like, either Gabe or me,” Nate continues, relentless. “We could help out. I mean, it wouldn't be the same, obviously, but I just think it would be better than some stranger who you don’t even —”

Nate’s rambling now, and EJ is still feeling vulnerable enough that this all sounds more like reprimand than friendly advice, so he cuts Nate off. “Nate,” he says, and that shuts Nate up pretty efficiently.

Nate stops right away. “Yeah, right. Sorry,” he says.

EJ thinks his voice is going to shake whatever he tries to say now, so he clears his throat and tries to get his thoughts in order. None of the guys know why he’s been hooking up so much lately, and EJ wanted to keep it that way, but he’s been at it for months now with no end in sight and he’s tired. 

“It’s not that,” he says, because he can’t remember the last time he subbed out of need. 

“Okay,” Nate says without missing a beat. 

EJ takes another moment, and before he can lose his courage, blurts out, “My 31st birthday is coming up.” 

Nate  _ does  _ miss a beat then. Two beats, and it seems to click for him. “Oh,” he says, and then “Fuck, EJ.”

EJ laughs, or tries to. It comes out huffy. “Yeah,” he says. 

“That’s why you’ve been hooking up so much,” Nate says, more of an observation than anything else. 

“You got me there,” EJ jokes. It falls flat. “So, yeah, anyway,” he goes on, mostly filling up the silence. “Last night I — I kind of got into my own head too much. It didn’t work.” He shrugs but the admission still gets to him, has him feeling more than a little guilty. 

“The Dom?” Nate asks. “Were they —”

“He was good,” EJ says quickly; too quickly, probably. “Knew his way around a flogger and he stopped when I told him, just—” EJ cuts himself off. It feels unfair to expect a stranger to be able to read him well enough to know to stop before EJ asks him to, but that’s what EJ is trying to say anyway.

Nate is quiet. EJ turns to look at him and his eyes fall on Nate’s left hand and where it’s curled into a fist on his thigh. His knuckles are white. EJ gets the distinct impression he’s not happy with Ryan — or what EJ told him about Ryan, at least. 

“Is your back okay?” Nate asks him. When EJ gives him a confused look he adds, “You said he flogged you and you look stiff.”

“Oh, I…” EJ is about to lie, but he remembers that Nate is not some Dom at a club; he’s EJ’s friend. He shrugs. “Some bruising,” he says. “It’ll go away.”

Nate nods. He seems to think about it for a second and then he says, “I could — if you had some cream?”

EJ tried this morning but couldn't reach and stretching made it hurt worse so he’d given up. Nate is here though and he’s offering so EJ shrugs and goes to get the cream from his bathroom. 

Nate looks less upset when EJ comes back, his shoulders more loose and his fingers spread evenly if not effortlessly on his knees. EJ doesn’t really think about it before grabbing a pillow and dropping it on the floor between Nate’s legs, not until Nate’s eyes widen. 

“Oh, I could —” he starts to backtrack, but Nate cuts him off. 

“No, this is good,” he tells EJ,  “Sit.” 

Nate is not even looking at EJ, just uncapping the numbing cream, and EJ supposes it’s no big deal if he doesn’t make it one. He peels off his sweater slowly, then throws it on the sofa next to Nate before moving to sit down on the pillow. 

EJ’s back is turned to Nate like this, so he hears it when Nate sees the bruises in the deep breath that he takes. EJ shrugs reflexively. 

“He got you good, huh,” Nate mumbles, not really a question. 

EJ is just glad Nate didn’t see him after some of his other hookups in these past few months. “I asked for it,” he points out. 

Nate doesn’t say anything to that but his fingers are light on EJ’s skin. He works from the tops of EJ’s shoulders moving downwards, paying more attention to where EJ’s skin feels the warmest. 

EJ tries to hold his breath through it at first but that proves pretty pointless. Nate’s fingers feel good but they feel even better when EJ’s getting oxygen into his brain. 

“Does it feel okay?” Nate asks. His hands are warm where they’re stroking over EJ’s skin and EJ’s heart is racing in his chest. 

He clears his throat. Says, “Mhmh.”

Nate keeps working like that for a while, slow strokes of his hands that soothe EJ’s skin. EJ’s eyes slip shut at some point and he lets his head drop forward, doesn’t care that he’s baring his neck because this is Nate. 

“Does it feel like I’ve gotten everything?” Nate asks him. His voice is soft and EJ’s breathing gets all shaky for a moment before he gets it under control. 

Nate has gotten everything, probably more than everything, if EJ’s being honest. He still gestures to a spot above his right shoulder, gets out, “Maybe there?” because it might be selfish but he doesn't want Nate to stop. 

Nate doesn’t stop. “Okay,” he says easily, rubs some more ointment onto EJ’s skin.

EJ loses track of time with Nate’s hands on his back. It’s the doorbell that brings him out of it, and then he remembers: the food. He makes to get up but Nate is already there. “I got it,” he says, disappearing down the halway. 

EJ takes a breath, steadying. He thinks he could get up or he could just as easily sit here and eat by Nate’s feet, but that — that would probably be crossing a line. Nate’s been good to EJ, EJ doesn’t want to make it weird between them by stepping over invisible lines, so he gets up. 

He tries not to think about how Nate touching him got him closer to subspace than a whole flogging session with Ryan did. Fails, too.

+

They eat in EJ’s kitchen, once EJ has put on a shirt and Nate set two plates on the table. EJ feels a little out of it at first but gets back to himself after a few minutes, even kicking Nate in the shin when he gestures to their food and asks, “No insta story?”

“Hey!” he mutters, even though EJ didn’t hit him that hard. “That was uncalled for.”

“Your face is uncalled for,” EJ shoots back.

Nate laughs. He helps EJ clean up once they’re done eating, and then EJ walks him to the door. 

“I know this sucks for you,” Nate says, hunched over as he puts his shoes on. “But whatever you need, let me know.” He straightens, gives EJ a reassuring smile. 

EJ can tell Nate means well, but this is EJ’s problem. He still says, “Thanks, man,” because he appreciates the offer and he appreciates what Nate did for him today. 

Nate is still smiling. “Anytime,” he says. 

+

They fly out to Washington the day after. EJ takes his regular seat on the plane next to Gabe and tries to talk him into giving EJ his headphones since EJ left his in his car. 

“You’re gonna sleep most of the flight anyway,” he tells Gabe. “Drooling on my shoulder.”

Gabe looks offended. “I do not drool,” he squawks, but gives his headphones up.

Gabe does too, but EJ got his headphones now and doesn’t want to risk Gabe snatching them back so he doesn’t say more on the subject. He’s just about to put on some music when Gabe nudges him with an elbow. 

“You seem to be in a better mood,” he comments, once EJ has turned to look at him. 

EJ shrugs, a little self-conscious. “Yeah, I — Nate,” he settles on. “He helped.” EJ can feel his face heat and he looks away, embarrassed for no reason. 

Gabe picks up on it, doesn’t push. “Can’t believe you let him sort you out and not me,” he mutters, but it’s lighthearted, more of a grumbling rather than an actual complaint.

EJ rolls his eyes. “Unbelievable,” he huffs. “Can’t you be happy for me?”

EJ is joking, but Gabe grows abruptly serious. “Of course I am,” he says. He presses their elbows together and adds, “And I can be jealous at the same time.”

EJ looks at him for a moment and then bursts out laughing. 

“It’s called multitasking,” Gabe explains. He pulls out his neck pillow and starts inflating it, so EJ guesses that’s the end of that and starts giving him shit about the pillow instead because it’s too good of an opportunity to miss out on.

+

EJ’s been distantly thinking about Nate’s offer ever since Nate actually made it. He didn’t think he’d take Nate up on it, not at first anyway, but then they’re on the road and they’re still losing and EJ still feels embarrassed enough from last time that he hesitates before going out to pick up a random Dom for the night.

He can feel it build though: the anticipation, the need to serve, to be good. To please. Usually EJ can shove it down, ignore it until he gets the right opportunity, but Nate is just down the hall, and he’d said  _ anytime _ . 

EJ gets up and makes his way to Nate’s room before he loses the nerve. He doesn’t actually know what he’s going to say, and it doesn’t hit until he’s already knocked on Nate’s door that Nate might not be here. That he might be hanging with Tyson or with the rookies who are no longer rookies or that maybe he won’t be in the mood, which would probably be the most embarrassing scenario since EJ is already here and —

Nate opens the door, and he smiles once he sees it’s EJ. “Hey, man, what’s up,” he says, stepping aside so EJ can come in. 

EJ says, “Nothing much,” and then blurts out, “Hey, did you mean it?” before he can chicken out. 

Nate looks at him a little dumbly. “Mean what?” he asks. 

“Back at my place, the other day,” EJ says. He makes a frustrated sound when Nate still doesn’t get it. “When you said anytime, did you mean it?” EJ finally gets out. 

“Oh,” Nate says. He looks surprised. “Yeah, absolutely.” he nods, and then, as if it’s just dawning on him, “Now?”

Nate’s eyes are a little wide and EJ shrugs. “I have nothing better to do,” he says. 

For a second EJ thinks Nate will turn him down. Then he smiles and shakes his head, fondly maybe. “Okay,” he says, finally, rolling his shoulders once before he straightens. When he turns back to EJ, his eyes are serious, set.

EJ looks at him for a moment before looking away, turning to the floor. He can see Nate’s legs moving as he takes a step closer to him. 

“You don’t have to look away if you don’t want to,” Nate says, and his voice is deeper, heavier; different from what EJ is used to. 

EJ doesn’t look up, not because he doesn’t want to, but it’s just easier this way. 

Nate doesn’t insist. He takes another step towards EJ and then another one, until they’re standing really close. “What do you like?” Nate asks, adds, “Just three things.”

EJ breathes out. He wouldn’t say this normally because normally he’d be doing this with a stranger. He knows Nate though. “Bondage,” he says. “Blindfolds.”

“Okay,” Nate says. “One more.”

“I, uh, I like hands — touching, you know,” EJ admits. He wouldn't say this to a hookup either.

Nate hums. He reaches out and wraps his fingers around EJ’s wrist, squeezes. EJ lets out a breath, eyes fluttering shut. “Do you want to come?” Nate asks him. 

It’s probably the easiest question Nate could ask him. “If you want me to,” EJ says, easily. 

Nate’s fingers tighten around EJ’s wrist, once. It’s comforting. “Do you want me to come?” he asks.

That’s easy too. “Yes,” EJ says. It comes out a little breathy. 

Nate chuckles, a short thing, more amused rather than anything mean. “Okay,” he says again. His other hand comes to rest on the back of EJ’s neck, a light touch. “Stop to stop, alright? And I’ll use the same,” he says. 

EJ nods, just a small thing because he doesn’t want to dislodge Nate’s hand. He repeats, “Stop to stop,” and Nate squeezes the back of his neck for it. 

“Good,” he says. 

EJ shivers, both at the praise and the depth of Nate’s voice.

“Take off your hoodie and go lie down on the bed,” Nate goes on. He squeezes the back of EJ’s neck one last time before letting go of him and turning to rummage through his bag for something. 

Nate’s not even looking at EJ to make sure he’ll do as Nate said, and that’s doing it for EJ, has his face heating a little as he peels off his hoodie and goes to lie down on the bed. He can hear Nate shifting through his bag for a moment longer, and then Nate makes his way over the bed.

Nate leaves a pair of scissors on the nightstand and gestures to the three ties he’s holding. “I don’t have any rope, but I think these will be fine,” he says. 

EJ looks at Nate’s ties and can recognize each one, vaguely, from this past season. He thinks they’re going to be ruined after this, and that sends an odd thrill through him. 

“Right hand,” Nate says then, and starts wrapping the tie around EJ’s wrist. His touch is light and his fingers a little rough, the knot loose but not loose enough that EJ would be able to slip his hand through it. 

Nate walks to the other side of the bed, asks for EJ’s left hand. It takes EJ a moment this time because he hasn’t done this in a while even though he loves it. But this is Nate. 

EJ takes a breath, gives his hand over to him, and Nate says, “Thank you.” He spends a few seconds just running his hands over EJ’s wrist and his forearm before slipping the tie around EJ’s wrist and tying his hand to the other bedpost. 

“You’re welcome,” EJ says, a little belated, more than a little stupid, but he already feels loose, and then Nate’s hands are running over his chest now, and EJ lets his eyes slip shut. 

He doesn’t see it, but he feels the bed dip as Nate moves, and then he feels Nate straddle him, knees on either side of EJ’s hips. EJ tries to reach out and touch Nate without really thinking about it, realizes a moment too late that he can’t. 

The ties press into his skin, and he can feel himself get hard from that and with the knowledge that he can’t move, not unless Nate wants him to anyway. It’s hot, has EJ feeling hot, and he does it again, mostly so he can feel the surge of helplessness in his chest. 

Nate huffs above him. “Got you pretty good there,” he says. EJ can feel the bed dip again as he moves, and then Nate’s hands are on his temples. “Lift your head,” he says.

EJ does, and feels Nate slip the tie over his eyes, tie the two ends into a knot on the side of EJ’s head. It’s not really a good blindfold; EJ can see light slip under the edges if he opens his eyes so he keeps them shut and then it’s almost as good as the real thing. 

EJ doesn’t know what to expect now; he’s all tied up and can’t see and Nate is still straddling him. EJ wants to rock up into him, get some friction, and Nate didn’t say anything about that so EJ does. 

“Hey,” Nate says, “Don’t move.” His voice is soft but leaves hardly any room for argument. 

EJ nods, and for a long moment there is nothing. Then Nate’s hands are on him, his chest, stroking down over his pecs and then lower, his ribs. They’re brief, light touches, and EJ presses into them without moving too much, tries to get more. 

He anticipates each one, but Nate touches him at random times, and it gets exhausting after a while, just the bracing for Nate’s hands, so EJ stops bothering. Lets Nate touch him whenever he wants and for however long Nate wants, and feels his stomach quiver when Nate runs his fingertips over EJ’s abs. 

“Good,” Nate tells him. “You’re doing good.”

EJ soaks up the praise and feels his face heat with it but doesn’t do anything about it because he can’t. Nate has his hands tied to the bedposts, and he’s a heavy weight across EJ’s hips, holding him down. He’s just wearing shorts and his thighs are warm where they press against EJ’s thighs. 

“Nate,” EJ says, at some point. He already feels so loose laying here, he almost doesn’t know what to do with it. 

“Yeah,” Nate says. “I’m here.” His nails press into EJ’s pecs, hard, and EJ jerks without meaning to. 

“Sorry,” he says, right away, opens his eyes but he can’t see anything besides some faint light slipping in under the tie. 

“You can try a bit harder,” Nate says. He digs his nails into EJ’s skin again, this time a bit higher, closer to his collarbones. 

EJ is better about it this time; he’s expecting it, and the stinging ache doesn’t hit him quite as hard as the first time. 

“Good,” Nate says, “I knew you’d be good for me,” in the same deep voice as before. EJ shivers and imagines his face turning red. 

The bed dips again, the frame squeaking, and then EJ can feel Nate’s breath on his cheek, his soft t-shirt against EJ’s bare stomach. His nose nudges against EJ’s cheek and then his lips press there too.

Then Nate is pulling away, his weight back on EJ’s hips. His nails press into the spaces under EJ’s armpits, and then drag down his sides, rough and jagged. EJ’s breath catches but he doesn’t move, toes curling against the sheets. 

Nate does it again, and again and a fourth time, until EJ’s skin feels warm and itchy, and then he moves to a different spot. He drags his nails up EJ’s stretched-out arms, his shoulders and his stomach until EJ’s breathing is rough and his dick achingly hard. 

“Just a bit more,” Nate tells him. He digs his nails into EJ’s pecs and drags them down over his chest and his nipples, hard, and EJ meant to nod but he forgets how. Nate does it again, harder than the first time, and again, even harder. 

EJ is too far gone to keep count so he doesn’t even try. Just leans into instead, arching his back and pressing against Nate’s nails so he’ll feel it more. He feels his eyes water after a particularly hard scratch and when Nate does it again he makes this sound, almost a moan. 

EJ feels warm all over now, his skin tender and oversensitive but Nate doesn’t stop. He keeps scratching EJ in random places now, his sides and then his stomach and his nipples until EJ is moaning near constantly, quiet sounds that he can’t focus enough to keep down anymore. 

“You’re doing well,” Nate tells him, and then he stops. 

EJ’s chest is heaving and his skin feels hot all over, his nipples swollen and sensitive. He feels the bed dip, distantly, feels Nate move to sit a bit lower, right over EJ’s dick, and EJ curls his toes and his fingers to keep from moving. 

Nate grinds down, slow but hard, like he knows what this is doing for EJ, and EJ doesn’t think he’ll be able to hold still for too much longer. “Nate,” he says again, and hopes that’s enough.

“You’ve got it,” Nate says. “You’re doing so well already,” he goes on, and that makes it a bit easier not to rock up into him. 

The bed dips again, and EJ feels Nate's tongue on his chest, his collarbones and his nipples, and that’s a lot. It’s even more than Nate grinding his ass on EJ’s dick because EJ’s skin is so warm and Nate’s tongue feels soothing, his lips even more so. 

EJ arches into Nate’s mouth and feels Nate’s hand squeeze in between them, feels it bump against his stomach as Nate jerks himself off. EJ doesn’t beg that often, but pleas still slips from his mouth a bunch of times. 

“Yeah, tell me,” Nate says. His hand is moving fast, his voice is shaking  and his lips are warm where they brush EJ’s ear.

“Mark me,” EJ says. It comes out quiet, quieter than he’d meant, but he’s just glad he manages to say it. 

“Fuck,” Nate spits out. “Of course,” he says, keeps jerking himself off until he makes this sound, choked-off, before striping EJ’s stomach. 

EJ feels his muscles jump, and he wants to see his skin with Nate’s come on it, but more than that he wants to stay like this, with Nate’s tie covering his eyes, soaking up his sweat. 

EJ still feels pretty loose, so he doesn’t protest when Nate gets up, but he does moan when Nate presses his thigh between EJ’s legs, right up against his dick. 

“You should move now,” Nate tells him.

EJ is confused at first, rocking his hips until Nate tells him, “Good,” and he gets it. It’s still hard. EJ barely has any leverage with the way he’s tied up and Nate is kissing his throat  which is distracting and confusing in how good it is. 

“Nate,” he says, some time into it. He is starting to sweat and Nate isn’t helping. 

“You got this,” Nate just tells him, and keeps kissing EJ’s throat. “You can work for it,” he goes on. He puts his hand on EJ’s ass and urges him on, and EJ takes a breath and starts moving again, tentative.

“You gonna come for me?” Nate goes on, once he gets how his talking is getting to EJ. “Make a mess in your boxers just to please me?” 

EJ’s face is burning right along with his chest, and he can feel Nate’s come drying on his stomach. He nods, a few times, half frantic with it, then tacks on, “Yeah,” in case Nate missed it. 

“Yeah,” Nate murmurs. His lips brush EJ’s ear, and EJ shivers. “You can do it, mess yourself up for me,” he goes on.

EJ makes a sound, nearly a whine, and feels his hips start to shake, press harder up against Nate’s thigh as he gets closer.

“That’s it,” Nate says, soft into EJ’s ear. 

EJ curls his hands into fists, arches into Nate’s thick thigh and comes, making a mess of himself — a mess of himself for Nate. He lies back after, exhausted, and feels Nate press a kiss to his temple before getting up.

EJ feels cold metal against his wrist, the scissors, he realizes, once the tie is off. Nate cuts off the other tie too, and then asks EJ, “Ready for the blindfold?” He waits for EJ’s nod and adds, “Don’t open your eyes right way, okay?”

EJ nods again, and then Nate slips the blindfold off him. EJ squeezes his eyes shut against the light of the room, then remembers that his hands are no longer tied and uses them to cover his eyes.

“Give me three seconds, okay?” EJ hears Nate say. “I’ll be right back.”

“Yeah,” EJ says. His voice comes out raspy and he clears his throat. He can hear Nate walking around, can hear the mini fridge open and close; the bathroom tap running. 

EJ is still seeing spots but he can feel Nate’s come on him too and he kind of — he wants to see, so he blinks his eyes open slowly and looks down. His chest is red, vertical nail tracks running down all parts of his skin. His stomach is red, too, except for Nate’s come, and that — just the sight makes EJ feel hot all over again. 

EJ is still looking down at himself when Nate comes back. He’s holding onto a wet towel, a small smile on his lips. “Should I clean that up?” he asks.

EJ thinks saying no would be fucking weird so he instead he says, “Sure,” even though he wouldn’t mind staying like this for a little while longer. 

EJ watches as Nate cleans him up and then takes the uncapped water bottle Nate hands him. “Thanks,” he says.

“I have some cream from your chest,” Nate says. “I mean, the marks will fade by tomorrow but it wouldn't hurt,” he goes on. 

EJ has come back to himself, a little bit, and he doesn’t want to make a big deal of this. He looks at Nate though, how he’s shifting his weight between his feet and watching EJ like a hawk and figures this is the least he can do. 

“Yeah, sure,” he says. He scoots over a bit so Nate can sit on the bed too, and scratches out. “Lather me up,” he says with an eyebrow waggle.

“Oh my god,” Nate groans. “You’re terrible,” he says, but he reaches for the lotion and pumps some onto his hand. 

Nate starts slow, his hands just as light on EJ’s chest as they had been on his back the other day. He pays attention to the spots that make EJ jump and doesn’t seem satisfied until he’s lathered EJ up in at least two coats of lotion. 

Honestly, EJ would make fun of him for it except this is helping him too. The more Nate touches him, the more settled he feels, even though he didn’t think he needed it after a scene like this. 

“All lathered up,” Nate says, once he’s done. “Ready for the oven,” he adds, then bursts out laughing at his own joke.

EJ rolls his eyes but he’s smiling too. “Thanks,” he says. He moves to get up but then turns to add, “I mean, uh, you know, both for the scene and the lathering up.”

Nate brushes it off. “I kinda needed it, too,” he says easily, which feels good to hear. “See you at team breakfast?”

“Oh, yeah,” EJ says. He gets up and pulls his hoodie back on, waves awkwardly at Nate before leaving. 

EJ feels lighter, heading back to his room. He feels a bit like he needs a shower too, of course, but that feels secondary, and he can’t remember the last he had a scene with someone who wasn’t a stranger. Probably last season, he thinks.

The feeling lasts until he gets in bed and starts to set his alarm. He sees the time and it’s past midnight.  _ 39 days _ , he thinks, and starts to feel weighed down all over again. 

+

39 days turns to 36 and EJ still doesn’t have a Dom. To add to that, they still haven’t won a game in February, and Nate is being weird. He’s being weird around EJ in particular, and EJ knows what that is about — or he thinks he does, at least, until Nate catches up to him after practice and offers him a nondescript brown folder. 

He says, “This is for you,” and hands it over. 

“Uhm,” EJ tries. The folder is light, thin and can’t contain more than a handful of pages. “What is it?” he asks. 

Nate looks away, shifting his weight between his feet. “Uh, it’s a contract,” he says. 

EJ stares at him for a moment. “I didn’t know you were seeing someone,” he blurts out once he’s done staring because that’s the only reasonable explanation for this.

Nate looks up at him, confused and weirded out at the same time. “I’m not,” he says. “It’s for you,” he adds. 

EJ feels his eyebrows shoot all the way up to his hairline. His first thought is that Nate is joking, has to be, but then he looks at him and Nate has his hands shoved in his pockets and he won’t look at EJ for more than one look at a time, just — plain awkward. Also it’d be a pretty mean joke. 

“Nate,” EJ starts, but doesn’t know what to say after that. He and Nate scene well together, more than that, really, but Nate is EJ’s teammate, and also — he’s EJ’s friend. 

“It wouldn't be like — for real,” Nate explains, which halts EJ’s train of thought. 

“I mean, this is just a shitty situation for you, and I was thinking just until the offseason? You’d have more time to look for a Dom then, anyway,” Nate says very quickly, like he’s in a hurry to get the words out. 

EJ knows Nate means well, and he’s touched, really, but he doesn’t want a pity contract. “Nate, you don’t have to do this,” he says. “I’ll find someone.” He holds the contract out to Nate but Nate shakes his head. 

He looks up at EJ and meets his eyes, squares his shoulders. “What if you don’t?” he asks. 

EJ opens his mouth, closes it again. It’s a good point, he knows, but he just hadn’t gotten that far in his thinking yet. “I — the league will take care of it,” he says, half for Nate and half for himself to hear.

Nate shakes his head. “And what if they put you up with some asshole Dom?” he presses. “What if they don’t treat you well?” 

Nate sounds upset and EJ doesn’t know what to tell him. EJ doesn’t even know what to tell himself because he hasn’t  _ thought  _ that far. His plan always extended to the next night, to the next Dom, until he found one who he thought would mesh with him.

EJ’s plan has come up with nothing so far, though, just mediocre and less than scenes, and he only has 36 days. “I don’t want to force you into this,” he says, because it’s bad enough that the NHL is forcing EJ’s hand, Nate shouldn't have to get involved. 

Nate lets out a breath. “I asked, didn’t I?” he reasons. His voice is calmer now, softer, and EJ remembers how Nate didn’t have any ties to wear for the last game of the road trip because he used all three of them on EJ.

“Just — think about it, okay?” Nate goes when EJ says nothing. “If you say no, that’s cool, if you say yes, also cool.” Nate makes it sound easy, too, like he’s not actively offering EJ a collar. 

Then again, Nate makes a lot of things easy. “Okay,” EJ says, “I’ll — give me a couple of days?”

Nate’s eyes widen. “Yeah, of course,” he says quickly. “Take all the time you need.” he stands there for a minute longer and then points back to his car. “I’m just gonna —” he says.

“Sure,” EJ says. “I’ll get back to you.” He forces himself to get in his car and watches from there as Nate walks away. 

Once he’s alone, EJ rips open the folder and takes out the contract. He’s not sure what he’s expecting — he’s only signed professional contracts before — but it looks pretty standard, he decides as he shifts through it. It’s only three pages long, front and back, and Nate has signed at the bottom of the last one. The space next to EJ’s name is empty.

_ 36 days.  _

+

EJ goes home and paces. Then he goes to Gabe’s. He takes the contract with him and shoves it Gabe’s hands as soon as Gabe opens the door for him. 

“Uhm,” Gabe says, confused. 

“Nate offered me a contract,” EJ explains. It comes out a bit frantic, but EJ’s spent the past hour walking in circles in his kitchen. 

Gabe — he doesn’t look surprised. “Huh,” he says. “Is this it?”

“Yes,” EJ says, hesitant. “Did you — did you know?”

Gabe takes the contract out ot the folder and starts reading through it it. “Well, yeah,” he says. “He asked me about it.”

EJ frowns. “He asked you about it?” he asks, and it comes out a bit hurt. Everyone on the team knows Gabe and EJ are close, but Nate asking Gabe for — for  _ permission  _ to offer EJ a contract makes EJ a little sick to his stomach.

Gabe looks away from the contract. “No, not like that,” he’s quick to backtrack. “Just, he wanted to know if I thought you would rip his head off,” he explains. It feels like he holds his breath until EJ’s shoulders loosen. 

“I wasn’t going to rip his head off,” he admits. 

Gabe chuckles, only a little forced. “That’s what I told him,” he says, sets the contract aside. “What did you say?”

EJ shrugs. “Told him I’d think about it,” he says. He opens his mouth, then closes it again, uncertain. Gabe waits him out. “I guess — I don’t want him to do this because he think he has to,” he admits. 

Gabe seems to mull that over for a few seconds. “He told me you guys scened well together,” he says. “If that’s what you mean.”

That’s not quite what EJ means, but he remembers the other night at the hotel, how Nate had touched him and scratched him and praised him easily. Made EJ work for it and then rubbed lotion into the red marks on EJ’s skin. 

EJ remembers how into it he had gotten and how easy it had been, and shrugs. “It’s more than scening,” he says. Then he adds, “I just don’t want a pity contract,” a little quietly, because while EJ hadn’t given much thought to a collar or a contract before this season, he’d always thought he’d  _ earn  _ them. 

Gabe gives him a sympathetic look. “Hey, man, I know,” he says. He squeezes EJ’s shoulder, a good distance from his neck. 

EJ nods absently. He realizes, if the NHL sets him up with a Dom, that’s not a contract that he’ll have earned either. “This sucks,” he says. 

“I know,” Gabe says. 

They're both quiet for a moment longer, and then EJ chuckles. “You’re literally zero help,” he tells Gabe. 

“Hey!” Gabe says, then goes on to say how he’s extremely helpful all the time and EJ should be more appreciative of his efforts. 

EJ rolls his eyes throughout Gabe's speech but by the end he’s feeling less tense, more like he’s made his mind up. He thinks he should call Nate, call Joe too, probably. “Listen, I think I’m gonna head out,” he tells Gabe.

Gabe tries to convince him to stick around for lunch but lets it go when EJ tells him he needs to talk to Nate. “We should probably go over the contract together or something,” he says. 

“Okay, but make sure your lawyer takes look, too,” Gabe tells EJ. He’s very serious about it, but it only lasts for a second. Then he says, “Also promise you’ll still have time for me.”

“Oh my god,” EJ groans. He knows Gabe is joking but he also thinks there might be a dose of truth there. “Of course,” he says, and, “I’ll always have time for you.”

That seems to do it for Gabe. He drags EJ into a hug that lasts three second too long and says, “This sucks.”

EJ shrugs. He knows. “Maybe something good will come of it,” he says, mostly without thinking about it, mostly for Gabe’s benefit. 

+

EJ sits in his car in Nate’s driveway for a solid 20 minutes, just waiting for his lawyer to text him back about the contract. Once she gives him the okay, he sits there for another 10 minutes, mulling it over, before finally coming to the conclusion that he’s being ridiculous and signing it.

He’s barely stepped on Nate’s porch when Nate opens the door. “You’ve been sitting in your car for a while,” he says. 

EJ holds the contract out to him. “I signed it,” he says. It comes out impatient, and he doesn’t know why. 

“That’s — that’s cool,” Nate says, a little uncertain. He finally reaches out of the contract and EJ hands it over and walks past him into the house.

“Did you read it over?” Nate asks, following him into the kitchen. “Everything seem okay?”

“Yeah, I had my lawyer check it out,” EJ waves him off. “Do you have any food? I’m starving,” he says. He’s not sure where this nervous energy is coming from but Nate doesn’t seem to mind. 

He has EJ sit down at the kitchen table and heats something up. EJ feels jittery while they eat, his foot fidgeting under the table. Nate keeps shooting him looks but doesn’t ask what it’s about and eventually EJ gives up.

“What now?” he asks, because the thing is, EJ likes structure, likes having a plan. He doesn’t want to sound like a subby cliche about it but that’s the truth. 

“We should probably tell Joe,” Nate says. “He will need to send the contract to the NHL,” he explains. 

EJ nods. “I can do that,” he says, because even though he’s pretty sure Joe will have their backs, Nate has already done enough for EJ. 

“Sure,” Nate says easily. “We could look at collars after that?” he suggests. “If you wanted to, I mean.”

“Oh.” EJ tries not to sound surprised, probably fails by a good margin. He knew, in theory, that a contract came with a collar, but hadn’t given much thought to that part. “I’ve never worn one,” he admits. 

Nate shrugs, easy about it. “I’ve never collared anyone, so.” He gives EJ a smile but all EJ can think about is how  _ wrong  _ that is. Nate’s first collaring shouldn't be out of kindness or necessity or whatever his motive in this case is. 

Nate is quick to backtrack though, so maybe some of that shows on EJ’s face. “I just mean, it’s no big deal, you know,” he says. “Just — formality.”

_ Formality _ . EJ doesn’t want to sound like a hopeless romantic because he’s not one but he doesn’t think it should be that way. Still, they’ve signed now, and EJ is maybe more selfish than he’d like to think. He says, “Okay,” and helps Nate with the dishes to fill up the silence. 

+

EJ calls Joe from Nate’s dining room. Nate’s in the living room messing around on his laptop, and EJ is sure he can hear him on the phone, but he doesn’t chime in beyond asking EJ if he’d like for Nate to be there. 

Joe takes it well. He actually sounds happy for them and tells EJ, “Good job,” whatever that’s supposed to mean. He doesn’t sound worried when EJ tells him this is just until the offseason, simply waving it off with a cryptic, “We’ll see.”

EJ feels relieved walking into the living room and he thinks it shows. He sinks into the couch next to Nate, close enough that their shoulders are touching and their hips too, and doesn’t try to pretend he’s not looking at Nate’s laptop.

“Nosy,” Nate tells him, but turns the screen towards EJ. 

Nate is on  _ christianlouboutin.com _ but instead of shoes he’s looking at collars. EJ laughs. “Classy,” he says. 

Nate rolls his eyes. “For your ass,” he says and his cheeks look a little red. 

EJ doesn’t dwell on that, instead mutters, “More like for my neck,” which makes Nate laugh.

“Come on,” he says then. “Do you like any of them?”

EJ shrugs. “It’s your collar,” he points out. 

Nate is quiet for a moment. Then he bumps his knee gently against EJ’s. “And you’re gonna be the one wearing it,” he says.

EJ wants to make a smartass comment at that, is about to, even, except there is something about Nate’s voice and his words that gets to him, has him looking closely at the collars instead. He’s scrolling down before he can think about it, clicking on the next page and the one after that until he finds one he likes. 

“This,” he tells Nate. “It’s nice.” It’s simple, too, black and red and about an inch wide and EJ could maybe see himself wearing it. 

“Okay,” Nate says easily. He barely looks at it before clicking  _ order now  _ and selecting  _ next day delivery _ .

EJ feels a little shaken — he keeps waiting for Nate to question him or his choice and it’s not happening, which only makes EJ feel bad for considering it in the first place. So EJ says, “I can’t believe you have your credit card info saved onto  _ christianlouboutin.com _ ,” because humor is easier than dealing with his feelings. 

Nate huffs. “They have good shoes,” he points out, which sparks a whole debate about Nate’s overpriced shoes versus EJ’s overpriced overcoats.

“Don’t judge me,” EJ says when Nate comes after his suits, which also proves to be the end of the argument. 

“I’m not,” Nate says. He’s laughing as he says it but it strikes EJ in that moment, how truthful that statement is.

“Anyway,” Nate keeps going, oblivious. “You wanna watch a movie or something?” He turns his TV over to Netflix and starts shifting through the recently added category. 

“Sure.” EJ shrugs, because he has nothing better to do. 

Nate ends up putting on some Netflix original that EJ hasn’t seen before but they both get pretty into it. Nate rests his arm along the back of the couch at some point, and with how they’re sitting his fingers brush the back of EJ’s neck.

EJ jumps, mostly because he was paying attention to the TV and didn’t see that coming, but Nate pulls his hand away like he’s been burnt. “Sorry,” he says, barely looking at EJ. 

“I was just surprised,” EJ tells him, and when Nate doesn’t move he takes his arm and puts it back over the couch, leans back until his neck touches Nate’s fingers.

It takes a minute and then Nate’s fingers slip into EJ’s hair, tugging lightly at the ends. EJ fights it for a few minutes, but it’s easy to lean into eventually, and by the end of the movie EJ only remembers the first 30 minutes.

+

EJ’s about to leave to get to the airport when his phone vibrates with a text from nate, then a second one. 

_ u want to drive in together? _ _   
_ _ the collar got here too btw _

EJ can see how those two are connected, so he sends back a  _ yes _ , and gets the last of his things ready for the road trip. He meets Nate on his driveway because neither of them likes being late and throws his bags in Nate’s car before getting into the passenger’s seat.

Nate looks happy. He turns down the Drake song that’s blasting through his car stereo and smiles at EJ, which is a little contagious. Then he seems to remember himself and reaches into the backseat for something, a sandy Christian Louboutin box.

EJ can’t believe this is his life now. He kind of wants to laugh but his throat feels tight so he doesn’t. Just looks at Nate instead, how he’s kind of red, maybe a little embarrassed. 

“Should I  —” he says, gesturing to EJ’s bare neck. 

EJ swallows. He rubs a hand over the back of his neck, tries to imagine how it would feel to have a collar there. He can’t.

“We don’t have to,” Nate continues, when EJ doesn’t say anything. 

They do, actually, but EJ appreciates that anyway. “No, uhm, it’s okay,” he says.

Nate nods. He takes the lid of the box and unceremoniously throws it in the backseat of his car. The collar is — it’s pretty, is EJ’s first thought. Black leather on the outside and red on the inside, a small D-ring in the front and a subtle clasp in the back. 

“Do you want to do it or…” Nate trails off. He clears his throat and messes a little with the wrapping paper inside the box.

EJs never worn a collar before, but he thinks putting on himself would feel pretty wrong. He shakes his head. “You should do it.” 

He turns around in his seat before he can see Nate’s reaction, and jumps when he feels Nate’s fingers on the side of his neck. They’re cold. 

“Sorry,” Nate says. He chuckles nervously and rests the front of the collar against EJ’s neck. The leather is cold but soft, and EJ can’t help how he swallows against it. He can feel how Nate’s fingers fumble with the clasp, and he lowers his head a little, trying to give Nate more room to work. 

“Let me know if it’s too tight, okay?” Nate says, pulling his hands away. 

EJ — he’s surprised by how it feels. He thought it’d be a heavy weight, pressing against his throat. Instead it’s just there, and it’s starting to warm up from EJ’s skin. “Maybe a bit tighter?” he asks, because the collar feels loose and EJ doesn’t like that as much as he thought he would.

“Yeah, sure,” Nate says easily. His fingers are back working at the clasp, warmer this time, and he tightens the collar around EJ’s neck. “There,” he says. He strokes his fingers over the side of EJ’s neck once he’s done.

EJ shivers. He has the sudden realization that they’re in Nate’s car and he’s not even kneeling. He’s not even kneeling and Drake is playing in the background, and EJ — he just got collared. 

EJ turns back towards Nate, and Nate doesn’t seem to mind any three of those things. He’s just smiling at EJ, his cheeks a little red, and EJ, for the first time since the start of the season, is not counting backwards.

+

The guys notice, of course they do . EJ doesn’t even have time to panic about it really because as soon as he steps foot on the plane Josty takes one look at him and blurts out, “Dude, is that a  _ collar _ ?” His eyes have grown wide and he’s outright staring at EJ’s neck. 

EJ feels more than a little awkward, and he wants to reach up and cover the collar — his collar. He supposes that it’s better to get it all out now, though, so he rolls his eyes and says, “No, it’s a necklace,” as casually as he can, which is probably not at all.

EJ moves to walk past Josty and take his seat next to Gabe, but he and Nate got stuck in traffic on their way to the airport so they’re the last to get on the plane and now everyone else has their eyes set on EJ. Most of them seem curious, and then there are some dropped jaws and and generally surprised faces.

EJ sighs. “Yes, it’s a collar,” he admits, which sparks a series of increasingly pressuring questions, like,  _ when? _ and  _ how? _ and  _ who? _ . 

EJ shoots Gabe a desperate look at the last one, which more or less forces him to step in. “Okay, guys, maybe we should give EJ some space here,” he says. 

It works for two or so minutes, long enough for both EJ and Nate to get settled in their seats, and then Mikko pipes in. “Okay but when did this happen?” he asks. He has his eyes narrowed at EJ and EJ whines. 

“Oh my god,” he mutters, starts untangling his headphones so he won’t have to listen to them anymore. 

“Well,” Kerf starts. He sounds very serious, his eyes a little narrowed as he looks at EJ. “He didn’t have a collar yesterday but he has one now, so it has to be fresh, right?”

EJ decides to humor Kerf, if only because he sounds like an amateur Sherlock Holmes. “Yes,” he says. 

Kerf looks very pleased with himself. “Aha!” he says. “And,” he continues, “Is it someone we know? Or have met, anyway?”

EJ glances at Nate who is looking at EJ but trying not to be obvious about it. “Yes,” EJ says.

“Is it Gabe?” Kerf guesses right away.

“What?” EJ does a double take. “Ew, no.”

“Hey!” Gabe splutters. “I’m a catch, I’ll have you know,” he says. 

EJ wants to scream. “Yes, I know, Gabe,” he says, and then to Kerf, “Are we done with 20 questions?”

Kerf looks very disappointed, either in EJ’s answer or at himself and his interrogation skills. “I guess,” he says. 

There is a moment of merciful silence, just long enough for EJ to think these guys might have been stunned into letting it go, and then Colin says, “Look, the important thing is they treat EJ well.”

EJ can see heads nodding around him, and honestly, it kind of warms his heart, makes him get a little mushy on the inside, enough to say, “He does,” with a small smile. He doesn’t look to see Nate’s reaction. 

That seems to reassure the guys enough to drop it, or at least let it go until Josty brings it up again. “So, it’s a  _ he _ ,” he says, a little hesitant like his curiosity got the best of him. 

EJ huffs. He’s trying to come up with something to say that will put an end to this when he spots Bednar standing at the top of the aisle and shuts up. 

Bednar tells them good morning and then his eyes scan the seats until they stop on Nate, then EJ. “And Nate, EJ, congratulations,” he says, and leaves. 

This of course sparks a whole new round of questions, more along the lines of  _ are you for real? _ and  _ what? _ and  _ seriously? _ this time, which Nate seems to take offence to. 

“Why are you guys so surprised?” he asks, his voice a little whiny. 

“Oh, I don’t know,” Mikko muses, obviously exaggerated, “Maybe because you two didn’t even invite us to the ceremony.”

“There was no ceremony!” EJ says, maybe too loud. 

“Yes, that’s exactly what you’d say if you had a secret ceremony that you didn’t invite us to,” Tyson points out, which is more him stirring the pot than anything else since EJ is  _ sure  _ that he knew about the contract. 

EJ glares at him. 

“Okay, so the only solution that I can see here is that we should hold a second, less secret collaring ceremony,” Gabe reasons. 

EJ doesn’t believe him; the traitor. He starts to argue, but the guys are very much into that, enough so that they ignore both Nate and EJ as well as their increasingly louder objections. 

In the end it’s settled, and EJ turns to give Nate a sympathetic look. Honestly, he feels kind of bad that Nate will have to subject himself to a collaring party or whatever Josty called it but Nate doesn’t seem all that annoyed. He just shrugs at EJ, and gives him a small smile, his face a little red.

+

They  _ finally  _ win in Winnipeg. It’s a relief but it also makes the guys collectively decide that Nate and EJ are meant to be. 

“The collaring is good luck,” Z says, with a certainty that spreads around the room. 

EJ sighs but resigns himself to it. He thinks the worst part is that it will be near impossible to talk the guys out of a collaring party now, not that there was much of a chance before.

After he’s dressed, EJ lingers a bit by his locker. He should put the collar back on but he thinks about putting it on by himself and it feels wrong, just as wrong as taking it off had. He thinks about taking it with him to the hotel and asking Nate to put it on there, then decides that’s stupid and reaches for it.

He jumps when he feels a hand on his shoulder, but when he turns around it’s just Nate. He’s dressed and smiling, a little shy. “You want me to?” he asks. 

EJ swallows. He looks around and it’s just the two of them and some of the equipment staff now, getting everything in order. He shrugs. “Yeah, sure,” he says.

Nate reaches out and takes the collar from EJ’s hand, gestures for EJ to turn around. EJ does, slow because it feels like he and Nate are standing really close together, and lets Nate wrap the collar around his neck. 

He shivers when he feels the leather settle against his skin again, bends his neck just a little so Nate can close the clasp easier. 

“All set,” Nate tells him maybe three seconds later. He strokes his fingers over the collar and EJ’s neck, and EJ leans into it without thinking about it. 

“Thanks.” EJ clears his throat. They won, and he feels a little high on it, which is how he finds it in him to ask, “Are you doing anything tonight?” 

Nate shrugs. “Not really,” he says, and then seems to catch on. His eyes widen and he’s quick to add, “Free for the night.”

EJ chuckles. “I was kind of thinking of kneeling? Nothing too hardcore,” he says, rubbing a hand over the back of his neck. 

Nate smiles. “Yeah, for sure,” he says, which is how EJ ends up on his knees between Nate's legs back in Nate's hotel room. Nate is running his fingers through EJ’s hair, occasionally reaching down to tug on his collar, and EJ makes a face when his knees start to ache because it means he needs to get up.

He wants to tough it out, kind of, and has to remind himself that he doesn’t need to; he can ask for this again and Nate won’t turn him down. EJ puts his hand on Nate’s knee and gets up, stretches. 

He opens his mouth to thank Nate but Nate beats him to it. “Thanks,” he says, “kind of needed that.”

“Yeah?” EJ asks. 

Nate shrugs. He’s looking up at EJ. “Helps settle me, I guess,” he says. 

“Oh,” EJ says. He likes that, mostly because he doesn’t like thinking that he’s the only one getting something out of this. “Me too,” he says. 

EJ wonders if he should leave now, but he sees Nate open and closes his mouth, twice, so he decides to wait him out first. 

“I actually, like, if we’re gonna keep doing this — scening, I mean — we should probably talk about what we want out of it?” Nate suggests, finally. He’s looking away from EJ now and EJ doesn’t like that. 

He takes a seat on the bed next to Nate because he doesn’t think he should be kneeling for this and says, “That’s a good idea.” Honestly he should have thought to bring it up sooner.

Nate nods. “Do you want to go first?” he asks. He sounds a little awkward, his voice wavering just a bit, so EJ shrugs. 

“I’ve already told you a couple of mine, but I like flogging,” he starts, takes a breath before continuing. “Like, if you tie me up and flog me that would be pretty good.”

Nate nods. He has a concentrated look on his face that tells EJ he’s writing all this down mentally. 

“Uhm, I told you I like come play,” EJ says. His face heats a little at that because apparently having Nate come all over is okay but talking about it is off limits. He wants to laugh at himself. “Not a fan of caning but I’d try it.” He shrugs. 

Nate is still looking at him, so EJ looks away for the last part. “I like being good,” he says, and leaves out the  _ for you _ that wants to slip from his lips. “What about you?”

“Oh,” Nate says. “I, uh, I really like overstimulation,” he says. “And spanking but, like, only for special occasions.”

EJ shivers a little at that but trumps it down because he needs to be focused for this. 

“Not really a fan of hardcore punishment.” Nate shrugs. His face looks a little red. “I like it when you listen to me,” he finishes. 

EJ has to swallow then, and figures it’s a good thing he’s not on his knees for this because he’d definitely have his forehead on Nate’s knee right now. “I can work with that,” he says. 

“Yeah, I’m kind of vanilla.” Nate chuckles but he sounds embarrassed. 

“Nothing wrong with that,” he’s quick to say, hoping it comes off as reassuring. 

“Sometimes that doesn’t — it doesn’t mesh with…” Nate trails off. 

EJ thinks there might be something there, something Nate isn’t saying for sure, but he doesn’t want to push. Whoever Nate didn’t mesh with is in the past. “Seems to be working out so far,” EJ says, bumping their shoulders together. 

Nate smiles, a small but happy thing.

The two of them go over the things they’re not too keen on and the things they dislike, and decide to get tested since they’re both into comeplay. 

“Didn’t know I’d be into that,” Nate admits when EJ brings it up.

“What? Having your blood drawn?” EJ asks. 

Nate rolls his eyes. “No, you idiot,” he says. “Just — seeing you with —” he cuts himself off but EJ doesn’t need for Nate to go on.

He feels himself flush even though he’d thought he had gotten over his embarrassment when it came to this particular kink. “Can be pretty hot,” EJ says. 

He means hot in general but Nate turns to look at him, eyes dark, and says, “Tell me about it.”

EJ swallows, and by the time he leaves Nate’s room his whole face is warm, his stomach tight in anticipation. He remember what he’d told Gabe, about something good coming out of this, and starts to believe it.

+

EJ thinks — and hopes too, if he’s being honest — that the guys will forget about the collaring party. It’s been a few days and no one has brought it up, so he think there might even be a chance, but, honestly, he should know better than that with these guys. 

Tyson walks into a locker room one morning before practice and starts handing out fancy invitations, thick paper and gold lettering and Tyson’s messy handwriting on the outside addressing who each invitation is made out to.

Frankly, EJ thinks it’s a little much. “What is this?” he asks, and tries not to sound panicked.

“It’s called an invitation, EJ,” Tyson explains with a sigh. “Maybe if you’d bothered to actually read it you would know.” He smiles at EJ, pointed, before continuing to hand out the rest of the invitations.

EJ looks to Nate, but he doesn’t look bothered. He’s smiling down at the invitation — his face is a little flushed, and EJ literally cannot deal with this right now. He puts the invitation in his locker and waits until the room clears out so Nate can take his collar off. 

“I can tell him to tone it down,” Nate offers, his fingers a little sweaty as they unclasp the collar. He takes it off and EJ feels a little naked, has to fight the urge to bring his hands up and cover his neck. 

“I mean, if it’s bothering you,” Nate continues. He puts the collar on the top shelf of EJ’s stall.

“No, it’s — it’s fine,” EJ says. He turns around, and he and Nate are standing very close together. EJ takes a breath and Nate a step back. 

“Unless it’s bothering  _ you _ , of course,” EJ scrambles. 

“Oh, no,” Nate is quick to say. “It’s kind of fun, actually. And the guys seem really into it.” He shrugs, seems to consider it for a second before adding, “I didn’t think I’d be having a collaring ceremony so soon but it’s still pretty great.”

EJ — this is one of the few times where he has nothing to say. Or, he has plenty to say, plenty about how this isn’t the only collaring ceremony Nate will have and how it’s not even permanent, but they both know that. The guys know too, and that didn’t seem to deter them from the collaring festivities. 

And, anyway, the whole point of this arrangement was to give EJ a break from worrying about finding a Dom and collars and the works. Maybe EJ should embrace it. He punches Nate’s shoulder and says, “Tyson better have made a gift list.”

Nate bursts out laughing and follows EJ out.

+

Gabe volunteers to have the party at his place because he jumps at any and every opportunity to get back at EJ for all the pranks EJ’s pulled at him. He does make snacks though, too many of them probably, and sets them up on his dining room table, so EJ can’t be too mad at him for hosting the party.

It helps that the party doesn’t turn out to be half as painful as EJ thought it would be. There is minimal teasing, and the guys generally seem more invested in Gabe’s snacks rather than making EJ and Nate uncomfortable, which is surely a first.

Then there’s music, and dancing, and EJ starts relaxing enough that he can enjoy it. He laughs at JT and Josty and their lack of coordination, and at Tyson and his embarrassing dance moves. It backfires on him though because as soon as the next song starts Tyson is pulling him up and away from the couch and challenging EJ and Nate to show them how it’s done. 

EJ panics for a moment, grumbles about how it’s Kerf’s time to shine, but then Nate takes his hand and the two of them somehow end up twirling around Gabe’s living room, the couches pushed to the side so they have more space to move. 

Nate’s uncoordinated, of course he is, and EJ’s heart has taken up residence in his throat so he’s no better. It takes them a while to figure it out, both of them looking down at their feet and trying to match their steps, but once they do they’re not half bad. 

Someone lowers the lights, too, and EJ finds himself looking down at Nate, just a bit because Nate isn’t much shorter. Nate looks up too, takes one of his hands off EJ’s hip and moves it to the back of his neck, a steadying weight. EJ shivers.

The song is over too quickly — or not quickly enough, maybe. After, EJ and Nate just stand there for a moment, more than a little awkward, until Tyson makes a puking sound. The guys grumble around him, but EJ is secretly thankful to have an excuse to step away from Nate, just for a moment. 

He clears his throat, gesturing towards the kitchen. “I’m gonna go get a beer,” he says. 

“I’m gonna go help him,” Tyson adds, quickly falling into step behind EJ. 

EJ gives him a look which he hopes will deter Tyson. It doesn’t, not in the least. Tyson leans against the counter as EJ fishes a beer out of Gabe’s fridge, arms crossed over his chest in an attempt to look threatening, EJ assumes. 

“Can I help you?” he asks eventually, because clearly Tyson has something to say and EJ is feeling shaky enough without Tyson glaring up at him. 

Tyson shrugs, feigning indifference. “Just wanted to clear a couple of things up,” he says. 

And oh.  _ Oh _ . “Is this you shovel talking me?” EJ asks, eyes narrowed.

“Maybe,” Tyson says quickly. “But more importantly, I wanted to let you know that I have a very particular set of skills, skills that would make me a nightmare to deal with,” he says, which is very confusing in how familiar it sounds. 

“Wait.” EJ frowns. “Are you quoting  _ Taken  _ at me?” he asks, incredulous. 

“It’s a good movie, one,” Tyson starts. “And two, me quoting Liam Neeson doesn’t take away from my point,” he says. 

EJ sighs. “Which is?” 

“That if you mess up with him, I will find you, and I will make your life miserable,” Tyson says. His eyes are wide and his voice shakes a little in that way it does when he’s being too honest. 

EJ swallows. He has no doubt in any of the things Tyson said, so he tries to change the subject. “We literally play on the same team,” he says. “And you know where I live. I’m not that hard to find.”

Tyson looks at him for a moment before rolling his eyes. “You’re impossible,” he says, but he seems less tense. 

EJ smiles. He throws an arm over Tyson’s shoulders and drags him back to the party because while he has zero doubt Tyson is being absolutely serious, he also knows if anyone’s getting screwed over, it’s going to be EJ; he’s the one who lets his emotions get the best of him.

+

They start losing less, winning more, and EJ finds himself with too much energy and nowhere to put it. He and Nate haven’t scened since that night in Nate’s hotel room and it’s been three weeks now. 

Nate hasn’t brought it up either which EJ isn’t sure what to do with. He knows last time was okay — more than  _ okay _ , honestly — and Nate told him EJ should ask for it whenever he needed it, but EJ doesn’t want to pressure him. 

So EJ manages to hold off for three more days, until they get back to Denver, but by then he’s buzzing with even more nervous energy that he has nowhere to put. He caves and texts Nate eventually, asks him if he has any plans. 

_ netflix _ , Nate just sends back, and then,  _ u? _

EJ stares at their text thread for a moment, then decides to screw it and sends back,  _ you want some chill with that? _ He feels like an idiot as soon as he hits send and throws his phone to the other end of the couch. 

It buzzes not three seconds later. 

_ 👀👀👀 _ _   
_ _ u want to come over ? _

EJ feels his shoulders drop in relief. He’s halfway out the door before he thinks to send back,  _ sure _ , because there’s something to be said about acting cool, he’s pretty sure.

+

EJ manages to keep acting cool until halfway through the movie Nate puts on. He gives up then and shifts closer to Nate on the couch, slouches until he can rest his head on Nate’s shoulder. Nate’s arm easily comes up around EJ’s shoulders, his fingers tangling in EJ’s hair.

EJ leans into it, and it satisfies him for a few minutes before he starts to get restless again. He starts tapping his foot on the floor, shifting around to get comfortable until Nate’s hand squeezes the back of his neck. EJ makes a low noise at the pressure.

He wonders if Nate’s doing all this to get him to snap; decides it’s working. He takes a breath and reaches for the remote, suddenly brave. He turns the TV off and ignores Nate’s protest in order to climb into his lap. 

“I was watching that,” Nate says. His hands come to rest on EJ’s hips, thumbs slipping under his hoodie.

“I think you should watch me instead.” EJ shrugs, hoping to pull off casual. He isn’t sure if he manages — his voice shakes and his face feels red — but Nate’s eyes darken. 

“Thought you’d never ask,” he says. He leans in and presses his lips to EJ’s neck, and EJ turns his head to the side to let him. 

Nate’s lips are soft, a little chapped where they drag over EJ’s skin, and EJ is breathing hard. His fingers clutch at Nate’s shoulders and he jumps when Nate’s hand comes down on his ass. 

“Get up,” Nate tells him. 

EJ does. He follows Nate to his bedroom and tires to ignore the way his heart is beating in his ears. 

“Take off your clothes and go lie on the bed,” Nate says. His voice is quiet but deep and EJ tries not to shiver, then realizes he doesn’t need to bother. 

“I’ll be right back,” Nate continues. He squeezes the back of EJ’s neck, once, and walks out. 

EJ is stuck for a moment, listening to Nate walk down the hall and then the stairs. He remembers that Nate told him to take off his clothes so he does that, gets naked and leaves everything folded on the armchair in the corner. 

He’s lying on the bed on his bed when Nate returns. Nate is holding onto a bowl and he comes closer to leave it on the bedside table by EJ.

“Don’t peek,” he tells EJ, so EJ makes sure to keep his eyes away from the bowl. He looks at Nate instead, watches him mess with the lights for a moment and then watches him take off his hoodie, the t-shirt he has on underneath. 

Nate’s arms a lot, like this, and so are his chest and his shoulders and his abs. EJ didn’t get to see him like this last time, so he takes it in now, and doesn’t try to pretend he’s not when Nate catches him looking. 

He smiles at EJ, confident like he knows what he looks like. “See something you like?” he asks, because despite the abs he’s still a nerd.

It surprises EJ into laughing, just a short thing because he’s still so wound up. “What if I do?”

Nate shrugs, pronounced. “Then I guess I’ll have to tie you up to keep you from distracting me,” he says. 

EJ swallows. He thinks it’s embarrassing obvious on his face, how much he wants that. “Sounds like a plan,” he still manages to get out, breathy and a little shaky. 

Nate smies. He makes his way over the top of the bed, right next to EJ’s head and leans down. EJ’s breath cuts out for a moment because he thinks — he’s pretty sure Nate is going to kiss him, he’s looking at EJ’s lips and leaning in. But then Nate turns away. 

He looks at the corner of the mattress instead, fumbles a bit there before digging out a velcro cuff attached to a short length of rope. “Give me your hand,” he says. His voice has the same calmness to it as before in contrast to EJ who  feels like he might shake out of his skin any time now.

He gives his hand to Nate, breath going a little deeper when Nate wraps the cuff around him. It’s not loose but it’s soft, doesn’t press and drag against EJ’s wrist the same way as Nate’s ties had. 

Nate does EJ’s other hand after that, and then moves to his legs, ties both of EJ’s ankles to the bed. He touches EJ a lot, hands stroking all over EJ’s calves and his forearms before he pulls the cuffs tight around his skin, and EJ is breathing hard by the time Nate is done. 

There’s some give in the ropes, EJ realizes after he tests them a bit, but not enough that he can move around while tied up. EJ focuses on that, on the helplessness and the relief of it, and jerks towards Nate when he says, “I have an actual blindfold this time.”

It makes EJ smile, and he obediently lifts his head a little so Nate can slip the blindfold around his eyes. 

Like this, tied to Nate’s bed with Nate’s blindfold covering his eyes, EJ can feel the nervous energy that’s been following him around for the better part of the past two weeks slowly start to seep out of him. It’s relieving, and soon his breathing slows, deepens.

“There you go,” Nate says. The bed dips as he sits down by EJ’s side and then dips again as he moves to straddle EJ’s hips. 

It’s the same position as back in Nate’s hotel room except EJ is a lot more restrained now, and he feels a lot more like he needs this. Nate’s weight feels good across his hips, steadying, and his hands when he leans forward and presses EJ’s forearms to the mattress feel even better.

“Are you warm?” Nates asks him. His voice is soft and his lips brush EJ’s ear and EJ has no idea what kind of question that is. 

He smiles again, says, “Sure,” and feels Nate sit up. 

There’s some shifting around from Nate and then he sits back on EJ. EJ knows something is about to happen, he can feel it, and the anticipation builds until he feels something really cold and wet on his sternum. He jerks, or he tries to since he can’t move around much, and belatedly realizes it’s an ice cube. 

EJ blows out a breath through his nose and feels Nate drag the icecube over EJ’s skin, up and over his collarbones, then down to his abs and his navel, until EJ’s stomach is quivering and the ice cube melted. 

Nate reaches for another one, this time drags it over EJ’s chest, his nipples and his pecs. It’s cold but the anticipation is doing it for EJ, that and the fact that he belong to Nate right now, and soon he can feel himself start to get hard. 

Nate uses more ice cubes, keeps running them over EJ’s chest until EJ is shivering, and then he just touches him. His one hand is cold from the ice but the other is warm, and EJ has trouble deciding what to focus on so he focuses on nothing. Lets Nate do what he wants and leans into it. 

“You’re doing good,” Nate tells him at some point. 

EJ wants to argue that he’s hardly doing anything, but it’s only in a distant sort of way so he says nothing. He groans quietly in protest when Nate sits up, but Nate just moves down the bed until he’s between EJ’s legs. 

His hand is warm again from EJ’s skin when he wraps it around EJ’s dick, and EJ chokes on his breath. He presses into Nate’s hand but doesn’t try to make him go faster or tighten his hand, just takes what Nate gives him. 

Nate shifts again, and his hand is gone for a moment before it’s his mouth on EJ’s dick. EJ shivers, toes curling, and then he hisses when he feels the ice, Nate’s tongue pressing it to the underside of his dick. 

It’s cold — it’s really fucking cold, to be honest — but he is hard enough and wants this bad enough that it doesn’t seem to matter. Nate keeps sucking him off, moving his head slow and even until the ice has melted and EJ almost misses it. 

He makes a sound, a little moany and a lot like a complaint, and Nate chuckles.

“Yeah, okay,” he says. He pulls away and when he comes back he has ice in his mouth again, is dragging it along EJ’s dick until EJ is shivering mess, moaning too loud.

“You should come when you’re ready,” Nate pulls back to tell him, voice a little gravely, and that is doing it for EJ too.

Nate’s mouth is warm now, his tongue a steady pressure, and the whole blowjob is  _ wet _ . Nate keeps making these sounds too, breathing hard and choking a little when he takes EJ in too deep, and EJ is floating. 

There’s Nate, and there are Nate’s cuffs, and Nate’s soft sheets, and Nate’s mouth on him. EJ didn’t really stand a chance. He says, “Nate,” and Nate pulls back, jerks him the rest of the way off. 

EJ doesn’t know if he comes too soon or too late — honestly can’t tell — but he can hear Nate’s praise falling freely from his lips, all, “You did good,” and, “That was awesome,” and, “You were awesome.”

EJ soaks it up like he’s aching for it, which — he might be. He feels Nate move again, and then his hand are on EJ’s cuffs, around his wrists. 

“I want to take these off, and then I want to fuck your mouth,” he says. EJ licks his lips thinking about that, clears his throat. 

“Color?” Nate asks. His hands are still on EJ’s wrists. 

“Yeah, green,” EJ says. It comes out too loud he thinks, but Nate’s uncuffing him right after, and EJ pulls his arms down so Nate can kneel over him. 

EJ still can’t see but he can touch now, and he does. Wraps his arms around Nate’s big thighs and slips his hands under his basketball shorts. Digs nails into Nate’s muscles because Nate didn’t say anything about that.

“Tap my thigh if you need to,” Nate tells him. 

EJ parts his lips easily when he feels Nate press his hard dick against them, and takes him into his mouth, tries to make it good and wet even though he doesn’t have much control like this. EJ’s pretty sure he wouldn't like to have any either. It feels good to let Nate take, to give back to him, and Nate doesn’t go too deep anyway. 

He’s careful, and tells EJ that his mouth is so wet in an oddly awed tone of voice,  so EJ stops swallowing quite so often and tries to make it good for him. EJ is still not back to himself, so he gets a little lost in it, makes a soft noise when Nate pulls away. 

“Do you want me to come on you again?” Nate asks. He’s breathing hard but he sounds so casual about it. 

EJ’s face is really red, he can tell, and he thinks it gets even worse as he says, “My face.”

Nate makes a choked off sound, and EJ thinks he starts jerking himself off. He doesn’t even jump when he feels Nate’s come on his cheek, his chin. Some of it lands a little lower, on EJ’s neck, and EJ wonders if Nate got his collar too.

It’s a lot, just the thought, has EJ trying to push the blindfold off by moving his face against the pillow. Nate sees, of course he does, and takes the blindfold off him. There’s no mirror, so EJ can’t actually see himself, but the way Nate is looking at him, hungry and a little impressed, it’s enough.

+

They lie together on the bed after, once EJ has drank enough water to satisfy Nate and Nate has cleaned up EJ’s face and his collar. EJ is on his stomach, almost dozing, and Nate on his side, turned towards EJ.

“That was really good,” Nate says. His fingers are running through EJ’s hair, keeping it out of his face. 

EJ is feeling kind of drifty in a way that he doesn’t fight, but he opens his eyes now. “Yeah?” he asks. 

“Yeah, of course,” Nate says. He curls his fingers in EJ’s hair and pulls a bit, and EJ’s eyes slip shut again. “I mean, I haven’t really scened with someone I know this well in a long time, so. Kind of makes sense, I guess.”

EJ’s eyes are closed and his breathing is slow but he’s listening to Nate. He thinks this is important. “I get that,” he says, sighs when he feels Nate’s finger scratch his scalp. “Same goes.” He thinks about it for a moment and adds, “But you need to ask for it.”

“Ask for what?” Nate asks. His voice is soft, his fingers too.

EJ opens his eyes, slow about it. Nate is looking at him. “When you need to scene,” EJ explains. There is a split second where Nate’s fingers pause in EJ’s hair and then it passes and it’s as if nothing happened. “It goes both ways,” EJ continues.

Nate is quiet for a moment. EJ reaches out and rests his hand on his hip, hopefully encouraging. “I don’t want you to feel like you have to do this for me,” Nate admits.

EJ is confused but tries not to let it show on his face. Tries even harder to find a way to make Nate get this because he knows where Nate is coming from. “I like it when we scene, if you couldn't tell,” he comes up with in the end.

Nate doesn’t laugh, just keeps looking at a spot over EJ’s shoulder, so EJ adds, “You’re a good Dom, Nate.” 

Nate blinks and then his gaze is on EJ, piercing and very serious. 

EJ knows he hasn’t been as generous with his praise as Nate — if at all — and that’s because he thought that Nate wouldn't want to hear it, at least coming from EJ. He realizes now though that he might have gotten the  wrong impression, and it’s clearly done more harm than good. 

“I mean it,” EJ says. “I like that you push me and that pay attention to what I like,” he adds, and that’s a bit difficult maybe. EJ’s only long-term dynamic relationship was with the professional Dom he had been going to until he was 26, and that had been a lot more straightforward than this. 

EJ finds that he doesn’t mind though. Scening with a professional can’t even compare to scening with Nate, and EJ has to try a bit harder to make that work, he guesses he’ll just have to live with that. 

“So, you know, I do this for me, too.” EJ shrugs around his words, trying to tone them down. 

Nate is still quiet. EJ wonders if he should say more but he has nothing else to add. What he’s already managed to get out has left him feeling a little raw, like he’s given too much away and EJ’s not used to that feeling. 

He’s seriously considering about bolting when Nate nods. “Okay,” he says. “I think I needed to hear that.”

EJ lets out a breath and then Nate’s back to playing with his hair and it’s easy to lean into it. 

+

Nate doesn’t actually ask until a few days later. The two of them are sitting on Nate’s couch after practice, and nate keeps tapping his foot on the floor, restless. EJ tries to get him to relax, bumping their knees together and then resting his hand on nate’s knee when that doesn’t work.

“Will you, uhm —” Nate clears his throat. 

EJ turns towards him but Nate is still looking at the television, hasn’t moved an inch. “Will I what?” EJ asks him, when Nate doesn’t continue. 

“Uhm, if you could —” Nate stops again, glances at EJ. “Kneel,” he finally says. “For me.”

EJ thinks about how antsy Nate has been lately, restless and on edge, and thinks he should have clued in sooner. He says nothing, just gets up and moves to stand in front of Nate, almost between his spread legs. 

Nate looks at him, looks  _ up  _ at him, and EJ holds his gaze, looking down. It should feel strange, but Nate just reaches for the pillow and puts it down between his feet, and kneeling on it is almost the most natural thing EJ has ever done. He goes down smoothly, slowly, and hears the catch in Nate’s breath even with the TV still playing in the background. EJ straightens, moves his hands behind his back, wrapping his fingers around his wrist. Settles. 

They’re still looking at each other, and EJ turns away first, towards the floor. 

“You don’t have to do that,” Nate tells him quickly. Then adds, “Unless you want to, of course.” 

EJ feels better looking at nothing when he’s like this; he already feels vulnerable enough and usually he can feel his Dom’s eyes on him so it doesn’t matter. Nate wants to, though, and he went as far as to ask EJ for this. 

EJ looks up, meeting Nate’s eyes. It’s a lot, just because of the way Nate is looking at him, eyes wide in a way that looks almost impressed, and EJ doesn’t know what to do with that. He looks away again. 

Nate’s hand settles on the back of his neck, over the collar and EJ’s bare skin. Nate’s palm is warm, his fingers a little rough, and EJ breathes out and leans into it. Breathes in again, feels Nate’s fingers tug at the hairs on his nape. 

It’s nice, easy to melt into, and EJ loses time. He lets his eyes slip shut and doesn’t open them until he feels Nate’s fingers curl into his hair, pulling his head up.

“I want to take you upstairs,” Nate says. His voice is rough but steady. 

EJ nods, lets Nate help him up. His knees are a little stiff but they feel fine otherwise; the pillow was soft and EJ doesn’t think he was kneeling for too long. 

Nate wraps his fingers around EJ’s wrist and leads him to his bedroom, and EJ can feel his pulse racing under Nate’s thumb; he wonders if Nate can too. 

“Take off your hoodie,” Nate tells him, once they’re in his bedroom. He walks over to the dresser and EJ does as he says, lets his hoodie drop on the mattress without bothering to fold it.

Nate’s holding onto a length of rope and a flogger when he make his way back over to EJ. EJ sees them and his eyes linger on the flogger for a moment, two moments too long. He follows it with his eyes as Nate leaves it on the bed and then forces himself to look away when Nate starts talking. 

“I want to tie you up and flog you,” he says, and he’s so — his voice doesn’t waver, it’s not mumbly. Nate sounds so sure, and that alone is enough to have EJ shivering. “I won’t go hard but I want you to tell me if you feel uncomfortable,” Nate goes on. He’s holding onto the rope and looking at EJ. “How does that sound?”

EJ’s mouth feels dry. His hair stands on end. The rope seems soft and he can’t wait to feel it around his wrists. “Sounds like a good idea,” EJ says. It comes out a little shaky, but Nate just smiles. 

“Turn around and wrap your arms around the bedpost,” he says, adds, “Good,” when EJ does as Nate asked. 

Nate hands are just as warm as before on EJ’s skin, and for a moment he does nothing more than run them all over EJ’s back. It feels good, if only because EJ hadn’t realized how tightly he’d been holding himself. He takes a breath, then another one, and his shoulders start to feel looser. 

“There you go,” Nate says. He keeps touching EJ’s back until it feels warm all over and then uncoils the rope. 

Nate moves to the foot of the bed, next to EJ, and wraps the rope around his wrists, effectively tying EJ to the bed. EJ tests the rope as soon as Nate is done, more of a habit at this point. There is enough room around the knots for EJ to comfortably move his wrists but not enough that he could get away, and EJ feels his heart rate spike with the realization. 

“Color?” Nate asks. 

They’ve barely done anything, but EJ feels strung so tight. “Yeah, green,” he says. 

He jumps when Nate touches him again, just his shoulder, but Nate doesn’t pull away, keeps touching him until EJ stops holding himself so tightly. 

“I’m gonna start now,” Nate says. 

EJ nods, watches Nate pick the flogger up. He braces himself because he and Nate have never done this before and Nate said he wouldn't go hard but EJ doesn’t know what that means for him. 

EJ holds his breath, lets it out all in a rush when Nate brings the flogger down on his shoulder blade. It’s not hard, not at all, more of a tingle, and EJ wants to laugh at himself a little bit. 

“Okay?” Nate asks. His hand is on EJ’s back, on the exact spot where he struck with the flogger. 

EJ presses into it. “Yeah,” he says. “Keep going.”

Nate does. He brings the flogger down again, not harder than the first time, and again. He keeps going until EJ feels tingly and warm, his dick getting hard with it. It feels nice until it doesn’t, until EJ starts tightening up instead of leaning into it, and then it becomes annoyingly gentle.

Still, this is what Nate wants, EJ knows. He tries to push through it, even does a good job of it for a few strokes of the flogger, until he finds himself blurting out, “You can go harder.”

Nate stops. 

EJ’s skin buzzes. “I can take it,” he says. 

Nate takes a breath, loud. “You’ll take what I give you,” he says. His voice is even, confident, and EJ tightens his hands into fists. 

He breathes in, breathes out. Repeats Nate’s words in his head. The flogger comes down again, maybe even softer than before. EJ huffs, rolls his shoulders. He can’t relax into it. 

Nate’s hand is on him then, on EJ’s shoulder, and it feels cold now, the skin of his palm. “I know you can take it,” he says. He takes a step closer, his shirt dragging against the hot skin of EJ’s back. His lips brush EJ’s ear as he says, “Be good and take it for me,” and that more than anything does it for EJ. 

He misses a breath, two, and Nate is pulling back again, bringing the flogger down on EJ’s back. It’s still gentle, but EJ doesn’t fight it this time. He leans into the sting, soft as it is, and waits for the next stroke and the one after that.

Nate hits different spots, and he uses different strokes, so it’s hard to guess where the flogger will land next. EJ stops trying after a while, decides it’s better to just take it — take it for Nate. 

It gets easier after that, and pretty soon EJ’s moaning with each stroke, small sounds that make his face flush red and Nate murmur praise to him. He doesn’t pick up speed or strike harder but he goes on for a long time, long enough for EJ’s dick to start straining against his jeans, his hips moving up into nothing. 

“Do you want me go harder?” Nate asks him. 

EJ doesn’t even think about it. He says, “Whatever you want,” and his voice comes out shaky and rough. 

EJ hears the sharp breath Nate takes in. Hears the flogger hit the mattress. “I’m done,” he says, and his hands are on EJ’s back again, stroking all over his skin.

It’s a lot, Nate touching him all over, but EJ leans into, and then Nate’s lips are on his shoulders, the back of his neck. Nate’s hand between them, working on the fly of his jeans. “Do you —” he starts, and EJ cuts him off. 

“Mark me,” he says. He feels fuzzy, a little slow to take things in, so he doesn’t know much time passes until he feels Nate's come on the small of his back. 

“Fuck,” Nate says. “You look — Jesus,” he mutters. He moves his hand to the front of EJ’s jeans and EJ moans, too loud. 

“Please,” he says. He doesn’t really mean to, it just slips from his lips, and then Nate’s hands are working on the rope, getting it of; turning EJ around.

EJ looks at Nate, meets his eyes and loses them when Nate drops to his knees. Nate is looking up at him, and that’s a lot. EJ can feel Nate’s collar around his neck and he can see Nate on his knees for him, and he’s not going to last. 

He chokes on his breath when Nate touches him again, just through his jeans, and then stops breathing altogether when Nate gets his jeans undone, pulls them down along with EJ’s boxers and takes him into his mouth. 

Nate’s mouth is warm, wet, and his tongue feels good where it’s dragging under EJ’s dick. EJ looks down until he can’t bear to anymore, and then he presses his back into the bedpost to feel the ache from Nate's flogger. 

He gets a little lost in it and reaches out to steady himself on Nate’s shoulder. Digs nails into the meatiest part of it and moans Nate’s name. 

“Just come for me,” Nate pulls back to say. His voice is rough, lips wet. EJ is stuck starting.

Nate takes him into his mouth again, works EJ with his tongue and his lips until EJ is breathing  hard, and then he lets EJ come in his mouth. 

EJ leans against the bedpost after, boneless, and Nate sits up. His lips are so red, and he just had EJ in his mouth and swallowed his come, and EJ, in that moment, wants very vividly to kiss him. He realizes they haven’t done that yet, and he isn’t sure if it was a conscious decision on Nate’s part but he’s too relaxed to really think it over right now. 

EJ puts his hand on Nate’s bicep, and leans in, just a bit. He’s still looking at Nate so he sees it when his eyes widen, but he figures he can’t back out now. EJ moves in a bit more, and their lips touch. Nate takes in a breath, and his lips are wet, warm. EJ kisses him and tastes himself there and on Nate’s tongue. 

Nate pulls back first, his eyes still shut and tongue darting out to lick his lips. EJ looks at him and looks away when Nate’s eyes flutter open. Nate’s hand comes up to the side of EJ’s face, settles there, and then Nate leans in and kisses him again, soft and no tongue at all. 

“Let me get you a towel,” Nate says, the words spoken in the space between their lips. 

EJ nods. He doesn’t move, just turns around when Nate comes back from the bathroom with the towel. Lets Nate wipe his come from EJ’s waist and lets Nate guide him to the bed, too. Nate has EJ lie down on his stomach, climbs in next to him and reaches for the lotion on the nightstand. 

EJ’s skin mostly feels warm and a little tingly still, but he lies there through Nate gently massaging some lotion into his back and shoulders and every other spot the flogger came down on. 

Nate lies down next to EJ once he’s done, his hand on EJ’s waist. EJ turns to face him, finds Nate smiling at him, just a small thing. 

“You wanna stick around for tonight?” Nate asks him. 

EJ should go home, he knows — or, he thinks he should. But he feels all loose now, and Nate’s bed is warm, his body too next to EJ’s, and his hand is a steadying weight on EJ’s back. “Sure,” he finds himself saying, and it’s worth it for the kiss Nate presses to his cheek.

+

EJ isn’t sure when it happens, but it’s gradual, Nate and he spending more time together. It’s not just scening — they’ll have lunch together or watch netflix and even go out for sushi. EJ doesn’t actually notice how big a part of his life Nate has become until Gabe brings it up one day at practice. 

“You promised you’d have time for me,” he says. He’s pouting but his voice is light so EJ is pretty sure he’s joking. 

He rolls his eyes and shoves Gabe lightly. “Such high maintenance,” he mutters. 

“I need care and affection.” Gabe shrugs. “No, but seriously,” he says, “How are things between you two?”

EJ considers how to answer that, ultimately deciding to tell Gabe the truth. “Really good,” he says. 

Gabe is smiling. He punches EJ in the shoulder with a gloved hand and says, “I’m really happy for you.”

EJ rolls his eyes to keep Gabe from noticing his flush. “Ew,” he says. “Feelings.”

“Oh my god,” Gabe groans. “Grow up.” He punches EJ in the shoulder one more time before making him promise to make time for him. 

EJ rolls his eyes but he feels a little bad. “Yes, fine, I promise, you idiot,” he says. 

Gabe seems satisfied. He skates away and goes to bother Tyson, and EJ stands there for a moment considering how good things have been lately. It’s not a foreign feeling, but after the first months of the season and the anxiety EJ had over bonding, it feels that way. 

Not for the first time, EJ decides he isn’t looking forward to being in that position again. 

+

EJ’s birthday sneaks up on him. He stopped counting days a while ago, so it’s only the notification on his phone that reminds him. He sees it as soon as he wakes up, and it might not have the same gravity to it as before he signed the contract with Nate, but it still makes his chest heavy.

He knows what Nate and he have has a definite expiration date, and the thought puts EJ in a sour mood, which doesn’t improve even after he’s made is way downstairs for team breakfast. EJ takes his regular seat at the table with Gabe, wincing as Gabe yells, “Happy Birthday,” at him. 

“Thanks,” he mumbles, hoping that will be the end of it, but of course it’s not. 

Tyson walks over to their table and presents EJ with a stack of pancakes drenched in syrup. There’s a single candle shoved in the middle of the stack, lit and everything, and Gabe starts singing  _ Happy Birthday _ as soon as Tyson has set the plate down in front of EJ. 

All the guys gather around the table and join in on singing with Gabe, some more off key than other but all of them very loud. EJ finds himself smiling despite the mood he was in. 

“Make a wish,” Gabe tells him once the guys are done singing. 

EJ freezes for a moment, catching Nate’s eyes over the table without really thinking it over. Nate smiles, wide and bright, and EJ doesn’t make a wish before blowing out the candles. 

“I hope you wished for the playoffs,” Mikko tells him very seriously a little later, as EJ works his way through the stack of pancakes.

EJ smiles through his missing teeth and half chewed pancakes. Mikko faces a disgusted face. “Guess you’ll have to wait and see,” he says. 

“Okay, but when is the party?” Josty calls from the next table. 

EJ turns to glare at him and Tyson takes the opportunity to try and snatch a forkful of pancakes from EJ’s plate. EJ slaps his hand away without even looking away from Josty. “There isn’t going to be a party,” he says, in a tone that he hopes leaves no room for argument. 

Josty easily waves him off. “31 is a big deal!” he argues. “You should have a party.”

EJ groans. He doesn’t know what’s gotten into his team about parties and he says as much. 

“Parties are fun.” Kerf shrugs. 

“And they bring the team closer,” Gabe adds. 

EJ hates it when he brings up team bonding as an excuse to talk EJ into the most mundane things, so he loathes it now when Gabe's end goal is EJ throwing a party. “We’re close enough, I think,” he mutters, then turning to Kerf he adds, “Also, just because you were a geek in college doesn’t mean I get to pay for it now.”

“Hey!” Kerf splutters. “I’ll have you know I partied a lot in college,” he says. His face has gotten all red and EJ takes pity on him. 

“Sure,” he just says, making a face. “But we already had a collaring party, isn’t that enough?” EJ’s voice comes out a little whiny, but Gabe gives him a sad look, and EJ looks around and the guys apparently seem very excited at the prospect of yet another party. He decides to take one for the team.

+

They don’t fly back to Denver until the next morning, but EJ wants to get this over with so he has the guys over that night. He enlists Gabe's help with the shopping, more because Gabe was right about the two of them not spending that much time together lately and less because EJ needs actual help. 

Also as it turns out Gabe's idea of “help” boils down to increasingly outrageous party decoration ideas, and EJ is not about that. He shoots down each one, but runs out of excuses pretty quickly. “For the last time, no helium,” he tells gabe. 

“For the balloons!” Gabe argues. 

EJ sighs. “There aren't going to be any balloons,” he tells Gabe calmly. Seriously, they only came here for beer and chips and maybe more unhealthy food, not so Gabe could turn this into a big deal.

“Dude,” Gabe starts. He uses this voice, all quiet and reasonable, and EJ preemptively hates whatever is going to come out of his mouth. “You only turn 31 once,” he says. 

EJ’s face gets tight, he knows, and he knows Gabe sees, too. 

“I know this isn’t the way you wanted things to be,” Gabe goes on. “But let us make something good out of this,” he says. 

EJ holds Gabe’s painfully earnest gaze for a moment, and then his shoulders drop. “Fine,” he says. “But I’m not decorating the house.”

“Yeah, for sure, I’ll get Josty and Kerf to do it,” Gabe says quickly. “JT will supervise,” he decides, which is how they end up with a frankly embarrassing number of balloons, garlands, as well as a banner and a bunch of party poppers.

There’s not even a cohesive color scheme, EJ realizes later in the evening, when the dynamic trio comes over to help him decorate as Gabe promised. They seem ecstatic at the opportunity to cover EJ’s living room in balloons, so EJ leaves them to it and sets up the music and the food. 

The guys starts arriving a little while later, Gabe first then Z, then everyone else. Nate is one of the last ones to get there, claiming he had to finish making EJ’s present. 

“Oh?” EJ says at that, eyebrows shooting up. 

Nate smiles, a little sneaky. “Later,” he just says cryptically, and moves past EJ to grab himself a beer. 

Mostly the guys take turns making fun of EJ for getting old, and once they’ve had enough of that EJ breaks out the pictionary. They get set up into teams, and it starts out civil enough but they’re all too competitive for their own good so pretty soon it deteriorates into yelling, half-assed insults and groaning when time runs out. 

Gabe suggests charades after their team gets smashed in pictionary, though they don’t turn out to be much better at that. Gabe spends most of the time making wild gestures that make everyone laugh except for Kerf who groans and calls him useless. They lose again, but EJ can’t even bring himself to care. 

He looks around at his team and thinks about the previous months, how he kept them at arm's length and tried to push through this situation on his own. It’s a bittersweet feeling, but he looks at Nate and at Gabe and his guys, and thinks it’s not half bad.

+

Nate stays after everyone has left. He claims it’s because he wants to help EJ with clean up, but as soon as the door is shut behind Gabe he tells EJ, “I really wanted to give you your present, too.”

It’s just the two of them in EJ’s kitchen, and Nate is standing really close. EJ is leaning against the counter, and he crosses his arms over his chest, trying to act cool about this. “What is it?” he asks. 

Nate smiles, much like the smile he’d given EJ before. He pushes his hand into the back pocket of his jeans and comes up with a small envelope. “Here,” he says, handing it over. 

EJ gives him a curious look. He takes the envelope and rips it open. There’s a card inside, and EJ pulls it out, laughing as soon as he reads it. “Birthday spankings, huh?” he asks. 

Nate smiles again, wide this time. He takes a step closer and presses EJ against the counter. “31 of them,” he says. There’s promise in his voice, a ton of things he’s not saying, it feels like, and EJ feels his heart rate spike, his face flush. 

He looks down at Nate, just a bit, and licks his lips. “Yeah?”

Nate bits his lips. He’s still smiling as he leans in to press their lips together. His hands come to settle on EJ’s hips, then move lower, down to his ass, and there’s promise there too. Nate;s hands are big and strong and his fingers dig into EJ’s muscles. 

“Can I have them now?” EJ finds himself asking. 

“You can have them whenever you want to,” Nate says easily. 

EJ takes a breath. “Yeah, now is good,” he says. It comes out breathy and desperate, and normally he’d be at least a little embarrassed, but this is Nate. EJ feels like he has no room for embarrassment when it comes to Nate. 

Nate presses his fingers into EJ’s ass through his jeans and moves up to kiss him again. It’s deep this time, Nate’s tongue sliding into EJ’s mouth, and EJ lets himself be kissed until he’s breathing hard. He lets Nate take his hand and lead him upstairs,  taking over and walking them to his bedroom. 

EJ doesn’t have a fancy four poster bed, so he’s not sure how this is going to work, but Nate doesn’t seem to mind. EJ flicks on some lights, enough that they can see but not too much so it’s harsh, and then Nate is kissing him again, his neck and his mouth and down to the hem of EJ’s shirt again. 

When Nate steps back, it’s only so he can kneel down in front of EJ. EJ’s breath cuts out for a moment, just looking down at him, and then his stomach jumps when Nate starts unbuttoning his jeans. EJ gets it together enough to step out of them and then his boxers, but other than he feels useless, breathing hard just from Nate undressing him. 

EJ isn’t hard, not yet, so it’s a bit weird, but then Nate is moving to sit on the bed, gently pulling EJ towards him until EJ is straddling him. EJ is taller than Nate like this, but he bends his neck enough that they can kiss. 

Nate is warm, and his lips wet and hot on EJ’s mouth and then his skin, when he moves to kiss his throat. His body is solid, too, between EJ’s legs, and his hands rough where they drag over EJ’s skin, and the combination of all those things is doing it for EJ, getting him hard. 

“Good,” Nate tells him, looking down between them for a moment before he goes back to kissing EJ. 

EJ shivers. He feels his face heat and he wraps his arms loosely around Nate’s neck, holds him close. He feels Nate's hand move down his back and then his waist until it settles on his ass, warm and light. His other hand is digging into EJ’s back, a sharp contrast, and EJ isn’t expecting it when Nate bring his hand down on his ass. 

It’s hard, Nate didn’t hold back at all, and EJ chokes on his breath. He moves forward with it, into Nate’s chest, and Nate is solid, holding him in place. “Fuck,” he says. His skin stings where Nate’s hand came down, and he says, “More.”

“Of course,” Nate says. He brings his hand down again, just as hard as the first time, and EJ is expecting this time but it doesn’t hurt any less. “Count them for me,” Nate tells him. 

EJ has his face buried in Nate's throat, and his lips drag across Nate’s skin as he says, “Two.”

Nate hits him again, the other side this time, and it stings. It has EJ swaying into Nate with the force of it, and Nate doesn’t waver. 

“Three,” EJ says. His voice is rough already, and his eyes sting when Nate hits him again. He leans into it, into the sting and the ache of it, and Nate starts going faster but just as hard. EJ can feel his dick starting getting impossibly harder, leaking between them, and he tries to rub himself off against Nate’s abs. 

“Be good and wait,” Nate tells him, bringing his hand down again. 

EJ moans and nods into Nate’s throat, a little frantic with it. He says, “Thirteen,” and feels Nate scratch his fingers over his ass. It feels good but also too much, and EJ whines, a small thing, mostly dampened by Nate’s skin. 

Nate hits him again, and again, until EJ can do nothing but take it and count it out, his dick throbbing between each spank. “You’re doing good,” Nate tells him at number twenty-two and, “Just a bit more,” at twenty-eight. 

EJ’s eyes are wet, his lashes clumped together, and his face feels so hot. He’s sweating, Nate’s shirt soaking it all up, and then Nate brings his hand down again, a little lower now. “Twenty-nine,” EJ says, more of a whisper at this point. 

Nate kisses his neck and his shoulder, drags nails over EJ’s burning skin until EJ is writhing. “What number was that?” he asks. 

“Twenty-nine,” EJ says again, choked up. “Twenty-nine.”

“Yeah,” Nate murmurs. “Just two more,” he says. 

He hits EJ again, and it feels so hard, it hurts and has EJ rocking up into nothing at the same time. “Thirty,” EJ says. 

Nate strokes over his ass for a moment, two. “Last one,” he says. He hits EJ’s other cheek, low where it hurts, and kisses his throat at the same time, and EJ feels tears leak from the corner of his eyes.

“That’s it,” Nate is saying, and, “Thank you, you did so good.”

EJ nods his way through Nate's words, hardly even hearing them. His dick feels hot and hard and he is desperate for something — anything. “Please,” he says. 

“Yeah, babe, I got you,” Nate says. “I’ll make you feel good,” he goes on, and it should be empty words, but even like this, when EJ is half lost and floating, he knows Nate is good for it. 

He lets Nate flip them over until he’s on back, moaning when his ass drags over the soft covers. Nate kisses EJ’s chest and his stomach, then back up to his throat. He says, “Get on your side,” and moves behind EJ, moves so close that they’re touching all over. 

EJ can feel Nate's jeans against the sensitive skin of his ass, and it stings but feels good at the same time. He presses back into it, feels Nate’s hand slip between them and undo his jeans, pull his dick out. It’s wet, EJ can feel as much, and then he hears Nate spit into his hand and feels Nate’s hand move between them again. 

Nate nudges between EJ’s thighs, and EJ gets it then, brings his legs close together and tightens his thigh muscles because he wants to make this good for Nate. It’s not wet enough, dragging too much, and EJ thinks, distantly, that he should tell Nate he has lube. 

Nate doesn’t seem to mind the dryness though. He fucks EJ’s thighs, and after a moment and he moves his hand to EJ’s hip, holds him steady, then wraps fingers around his dick. EJ moans, can’t help it, and then he tries to muffle it into the covers. 

“Let me hear you,” Nate says. His jeans drag against EJ’s aching skin as he moves, and his belt buckle digs into the meat of EJ’s ass, cold at first and later warmed by EJ’s skin. 

Nate keeps moving, his dick pressed between EJ’s thighs and his hand around EJ. Every few thrusts his dick will catch on EJ’s hole, and EJ arches his back each time, pressing into it and moaning. He wants it, wants Nate inside him but can’t find the words to ask for it, and then Nate is jerking him off in earnest, hard and fast until EJ is squeezing his eyes shut and curling his toes, trying to stave it off.

“Nate,” he says, and hardly recognizes his own voice. It’s rough and wet, and he sounds fucked out; desperate. 

“You can,” Nate tells him, and, “Come for me,” and EJ doesn’t know what to say to that. 

He says nothing and leans into Nate’s hand, feels himself start to shake as he gets closer. He makes this sound, so fucking needy, and then he spills into Nate’s hand, watches drip down onto his bed covers. 

Nate pauses for a moment, and then his lips are back on EJ’s shoulders, his throat. EJ can feel his dick hot and hard between his thighs, can feel it when Nate pulls EJ’s cheek aside. Imagines him looking down between them, looking down a where he’s moving between EJ’s thighs and looking down at EJ’s hole too, and swears that if he could get hard again he would. 

“So good for me,” Nate murmurs. His hips jerk a few times, and then he’s pulling back, coming across EJ’s thighs and the inside of his cheeks, some of it landing across his hole as EJ clenches down on nothing. 

EJ is breathing hard after, leaning into Nate’s lips and and his hands where they’re moving a over his skin. 

“You did really good,” Nate tells him. His voice is soft, his lips even more so on the back of EJ’s neck, and EJ soaks the praise up. 

Nate stays there for a moment, and then EJ is distantly aware of him getting up, padding to the bathroom. He can hear water running and then Nate is back, cleaning  EJ up. It’s intimate, and EJ shudders. He rolls over and pulls Nate to him, nudges him until he’s lying practically on top of EJ. 

“This can’t be comfortable,” Nate murmurs. 

EJ tries to huff. It comes out wet. “Shut up,” he says.

Nate is quiet for a moment. “Okay,” he says easily. 

EJ doesn’t know how long they like that for. He is just vaguely aware of how he’s slowly starting to come back to himself, his breathing getting a bit shallower and his mind less foggy. 

Nate must realize too. He gently moves off EJ and lies next to him instead, on his side so he’s still facing him. EJ moves to roll over too, hissing when the covers drag against his ass. 

“I went pretty hard,” Nate says. He doesn’t sound apologetic but he looks a little embarrassed, face red and looking away form EJ.

EJ shrugs. “I needed it,” he says. He puts his hand on Nate’s bicep. “You’re good.”

Nate smiles. He leans in and kisses EJ again, just a brush of lips this time, barely long enough for EJ to lean into it. “Do you have anything I can put on it?” he asks. 

EJ rolls over onto his other side, wincing a little, and grabs the lotion from his bedside table. He hands it over to Nate and obediently moves onto his stomach when Nate gestures for him to. 

The lotion is cold and soothing, but EJ still jumps at Nate's touch. Nate goes slow — he always does — and his touch is soft, careful. 

“You’re gonna be feeling this for a few days,” he tells EJ. He does sound a bit apologetic now and EJ doesn’t like that. 

“Worth it,” he says. 

Nate spreads the lotion over EJ’s skin thoroughly, until EJ’s ass feels little cooler. He sets it aside after and lies back down, and EJ can barely keep his eyes open. He thinks Nate might leave now, or maybe after EJ falls asleep, and it might be a little selfish but EJ doesn’t want that. 

He reaches out and wraps his fingers around Nate's wrist, bold. Says, “Stay,” only it comes out like a question. 

“Yeah,” Nate says. “Of course.”

+

EJ wakes up to his alarm blasting through the room. He quickly reaches for it and slides his thumb across the screen to snooze it, holding his breath until he makes sure Nate is still there and soundly asleep. 

His lips are parted, just a bit, and he’s on his stomach, one arm shoved under the pillow. He and EJ are not touching except for their legs, just a bit, but EJ can vividly feel Nate’s body heat through his calf and under the covers. EJ absently notices these things, and then he looks away because it starts to feel weird.

He feels a little achy from last night and winces as he sits up on the bed, the sheets dragging against his bottom roughly. EJ imagines his ass is red and a little bruised — that’s what it feels like, at least — but he hasn’t seen yet. He wants to, so he gets up and pads to the bathroom, quietly so he doesn’t wake Nate up. 

EJ’s mouth goes dry when he gets a look at himself in the mirror. His skin is red for the most part except for some spots where it’s purpling, and EJ can almost make out Nate’s handprint where Nate’s hand came down too many times. It’s hot, and EJ presses fingers into the muscle to watch the skin over it turn white and then red again. 

EJ stands in front of the bathroom mirror for a while, probably. At least that’s what it feels like when finally manages to talk himself into a shower. He tries not to make too much noise while he showers and then gets dressed, but Nate wakes up while EJ’s making coffee anyway. 

EJ hears him pad down the stairs, and then he turns towards him when he comes into the kitchen. “Good morning,” EJ says. 

Nate groans because he's’ not a morning person, but he makes his way over to EJ and sets his hand on EJ’s shoulder, high and too close to his neck. He leans in and brushes his lips over the spot behind EJ’s ear, and EJ’s hearts skips a whole beat. 

They don’t — they don’t do this, touch each other like this outside of scening, and EJ doesn’t know what to do with it. His stomach curls — pleasantly, he thinks — and he wants to shiver with how soft Nate's lips are but shoves it down because he doesn’t want to make it weird and give Nate the wrong impression. 

Nate seems to catch on anyway. He catches himself and freezes, just for a second, and then rips himself away. EJ wants to touch where Nate's lips were. He very carefully holds on to his coffee mug with both hands instead.

Nate clears his throat. “I — sorry,” he says. “I don’t know what got into me.” He sounds embarrassed, more than he did when talking about spanking EJ until his ass was bruised, which — it really says something. 

EJ shakes his head. “It’s okay,” he says, tries to make it sound easy and probably misses by a good margin. “How’s your hand?” He changes the subject.

Nate looks confused for a moment before looking down at his palm. It’s red, and he huffs out an awkward laugh. “Probably in better shape than your ass,” he says. 

EJ laughs because Nate is trying. “Yeah, that sounds about right,” he says. 

EJ is half convinced Nate will ask him if he’s okay to practice, and he hates that question so he’s glad when Nate doesn’t. He just pours himself a cup of coffee and drinks it at EJ’s kitchen table. EJ looks at him and can’t help thinking about how good Nate looks there, how at home. It’s a sobering thought, not exactly welcome. 

Nate leaves after a while, once he’s finished his coffee, says he needs to get ready for practice and that he’ll see EJ at the rink. EJ walks him to the door and watches him put his shoes on, his jacket. Waits until Nate has driven away to tell himself that he’s officially screwed. 

+

The thing is, Nate kissed his neck in the morning. And he took EJ’s 31st birthday and made something good and memorable out of it, which is not unlike what he’s done for EJ over the past few weeks as a whole. 

But this — the contract, the kneeling, the spanking — it has an expiration date. The kissing does too. Nate offered EJ this contract because EJ was in a tough spot and Nate wanted to help him out. 

And that should have been enough, really, but EJ keeps thinking about Nate kissing his neck and bringing his hand down on EJ’s ass and drinking coffee at EJ’s kitchen table, and can’t help wanting more. 

+

EJ says nothing about it. He says nothing and they keep winning more than they’re losing. Nate asks EJ to kneel for him a couple of times, but it doesn’t go further than that, not until they clinch. 

It’s their second last game of the season, and it’s at home. EJ gets the OT winner and a bunch of hugs and head pats, Nate crashing into his side after the goal. The mood in the room is light, and the guys collectively decide they should go out and celebrate, though EJ is adamant that he’s not paying for a single shot.

“Me neither,” Nate announces. 

Gabe makes a confused face. “You didn’t score,” he says. 

Nate shrugs, smiling. “It works by extension,” he argues. 

Gabe looks unconvinced. He makes Nate buy the first round for it, beers and vodka shots to warm them up.

EJ has a couple of shots, but he mostly sips on the cocktail Nate got him. Tyson grumbles about special treatment and deserving a celebratory cocktail too, which makes Nate roll his eyes before heading back to the bar for another cocktail. 

Nate sits next to EJ after he gets back, and it shouldn't be a big deal except for how warm he is, how warm he  _ always  _ seems to be. EJ tries not to lean into but fails as soon as he feels Nate’s hand on his thigh, high and scorching, it feels like, through EJ’s slacks. 

“You deserve a reward for that,” he leans in to whisper into EJ’s ear, and EJ breathes in sharply. 

He looks around their table but no one is watching the two of them, content instead to make fun of Josty for his dance moves. “What kind of reward?” he finds it in himself to ask. 

Nate chuckles. “I’ll tell you later,” he says. 

EJ can feel Nate’s fingers brushing the inseam of his pants, and he can hardly think. He downs the rest of his cocktail and feels Nate’s collar press against his throat as he swallows. 

+

_ Later _ , EJ gets the door to his house open, and Nate presses him against the wall and kisses him, kicking it shut with his foot. His lips are on EJ’s mouth and then his neck, brushing over his collar and all the skin that only Nate gets to touch, these days. 

Nate’s lips are soft but insistent, and EJ moves his head back until it’s resting against the wall and lets Nate kiss him until he’s out of breath, it feels like, his hairs standing on end on his arm and the back of his neck. 

“Nate,” EJ says. His voice comes our hoarse even though they haven’t done anything, and he reaches out to wrap his fingers around Nate’s biceps, nails digging in as Nate’s tongue slips to lick under EJ’s collar.

“Yeah,” Nate murmurs. He pulls back and EJ feels it, in the lack of contact and in how cold his throat suddenly feels. He shivers. 

“Tell me what you want.” Nate meets EJ’s eyes, holds his gaze until EJ looks away first. Nate elans in again and drags his nose along the side of EJ’s neck, up to his ear. “Anything,” he says. “You deserve it.”

EJ feels a little dizzy. He could ask for so many things, he thinks, and Nate would give them to him. He could ask for a flogging, or for Nate to spank him, or to have Nate inside him, and all those things pale in comparison to what he  _ really  _ wants. 

EJ lets his eyes slip shut, and then he hides his face in Nate’s shoulder. He says, “Just —” and runs out of words. 

Nate’s hands move up his sides, down his back, soothing circles. 

“Whatever you want,” EJ gets out. His voice is shaky. “Do whatever you want to me,” he says. 

He feels Nate still against him and then Nate’s fingers are in his hair. He grabs a fistful and pulls EJ’s head back, forces EJ to look at him. EJ isn’t sure what he expected but Nate — he is looking right at EJ, and he looks hungry. His eyes are dark and his lips red, probably from EJ’s stubble, and then he swallows. 

“You want that?” Nate asks. His voice is very steady and deep, and it reminds EJ of the first night they did this, how Nate had scratched him until EJ was itchy all over. 

EJ nods. It pulls where Nate is still holding onto his hair. “Yes, sir,” EJ says. His voice is breathy and it’s not the first time he’s felt like this with Nate but it’s the first time he’s said it out loud.

Nate makes this sound, low and almost pained, like he was aching to hear that. 

EJ doesn’t know why he bothered holding out. He reaches out and wraps his fingers around Nate’s wrist, brings it to his lips and presses his lips on the sensitive skin there. 

Nate breathes in, sharp. He says, “Okay,” and leans in to kiss EJ again. 

It’s softer this time, shallow, almost, and then Nate’s tongue slips between EJ’s lips and into his mouth and EJ has trouble breathing. He arches into Nate and lets Nate kiss him, lets himself be kissed, and doesn’t bother being quiet. 

He moans, low at first and then louder when Nate presses his thigh between EJ’s legs, gives him something to rub against. EJ worries about leaving a stain, messing Nate’s slacks up, but it feels distant, and then Nate is urging him on, his hand on EJ’s ass guiding him into a rhythm, and if Nate isn’t worried EJ thinks he shouldn’t be either. 

Still, EJ can’t come from this — he’s gotten a bit older, and it takes more these days — but he gets pretty close. He makes a quiet sound when Nate pulls his leg back, but Nate just takes hold of his hand and guides him upstairs. 

He knows where EJ’s bedroom is now, and he walks them there and then to the bed. His hands move to the buttons of EJ’s shirt, start undoing them, and EJ reaches out to do the same but Nate steps out of his reach. 

“You said whatever I wanted,” Nate explains. “I want to make you feel good,” he says. 

EJ’s mouth feels dry and his face hot, but he lets his arms fall to his sides. Lets Nate take his shirt off and then his slacks, his boxers and his socks. Nate just looks at him when EJ’s naked, and that feels a little weird, has EJ feeling more than a little vulnerable, because he's hard and aching and has no clothes on while Nate’s fully dressed.

EJ jumps when Nate gets his hands back on him but gets used to it again quickly. Nate touches EJ’s pecs and his chest and then his stomach, his sides, hands a little rough as they stroke over EJ’s skin. EJ’s muscles jump at random moments as Nate touches him, and he feels the anticipation build in his stomach. 

He goes when Nate pushes him to lie on the bed, and watches as Nate climbs in after him. They lie on their sides, and Nate pushes his leg between EJ’s again. He presses hard against EJ’s dick and EJ chokes on his breath, can’t help the way he rubs himself against Nate’s slacks. Idly, he thinks he’ll definitely leave a stain now. 

“I —” he starts, because he wants to say as much to Nate, but Nate only leans in to press their lips together. 

“Keep going,” Nate tells him. He puts his hand on EJ’s thigh and helps him settle into it, into rubbing himself off on Nate’s thick thigh. EJ lets him. He puts his hand over Nate’s and makes sounds into his mouth, feeling himself get closer.  

It chafes, and EJ was sure before that he wouldn't be able to come from this, but he thinks about it now, about how Nate will have to get this pair of pants dry-cleaned to get EJ’s pre come out of them, and that makes his face heat. His stomach starts to feel tight, and he keeps moaning into Nate’s mouth, stifled and half choked off but loud enough for Nate to praise him for it.

“There you go,” he’s saying, and, “You want to get your come on me?”

EJ does, he wants that so bad. He whines, nails digging into Nate’s forearm, and his toes curl. “Nate, please,” he says, not even sure what he’s asking for. 

He gets it tough. Nate takes his hand off EJ’s thigh and moves it to his neck, slips two fingers under his collar, and the skin there feels so sensitive, untouched. It should be embarrassing, EJ thinks, how a single touch from Nate is enough to push him over the edge, but EJ also thinks that this was Nate’s intention all along. 

He rides it out on Nate’s thigh, keeps rocking against it until he feels empty and wrung out. He keeps his face buried in Nate’s shoulder, and when he pulls back it’s only so he can look down, see what it looks like. 

Nate’s slacks are black, and EJ’s come has splattered across from them, staining them pretty decisively. EJ looks at that and feels his mouth drop open for a moment. 

Nate chuckles. “Yeah, I get the appeal,” he says. He kisses EJ’s cheek, nudges at EJ’s shoulder until EJ is laying on his back and then moves on top of him. 

EJ loves this, Nate’s weight pressing him down, holding him there, and he thinks Nate knows it too. He lets his weight drop slowly but doesn’t hold back because EJ can take it, and EJ feels his breath gush out of him. 

Nate kisses him and touches him until EJ’s lips and skin both feel tingly. He says, “You were so good,” against EJ’s mouth and EJ swallows it up. 

He can feel how hard Nate is against him, and he wants to do something about that, but Nate gently takes his hand away when EJ reaches for him. “Roll over,” he says. 

EJ is stuck staring at Nate for a moment before he hurries to roll over onto his stomach. He can feel Nate’s eyes on him and then he can feel his hands down, stroking down his back and over his waist, then lower, down to his ass. 

EJ shivers, skin breaking out in goosebumps. He sucks in a breath when he feels Nate kneel between his legs, lets it out when Nate moves to lay on top of him. Nate’s shirt is soft, and so are his slacks, but EJ feels so on edge, his skin sensitive and his muscles tight. 

“Relax,” Nate tells him, like he can feel the tension in EJ’s body, which, with the way they’re laying, he probably can. “I just want to make you come again,” he says. 

EJ — this feels good, just having Nate on top of him, but he doesn’t think he can get there so soon again. He tells Nate as much. 

“We have time,” Nate says. He doesn’t sound bothered at all, and he doesn’t feel it either, when he starts laying kisses all across EJ’s shoulders, his back. He kisses his way down EJ’s spine, as low as he can reach like this, and then moves his body lower. 

Nate holds himself up on his hands but keeps kissing EJ, soft, dry kisses that tickle and make EJ’s stomach curl tightly; pleasantly. He chokes on his breath when Nate pushes his legs apart to lie between them because that’s when he gets it, where this is going.

Nate just drags his hands up EJ’s thighs though, keeps touching him for what feels like the longest time, until EJ feels like he’s melted into the bed. He leans in to press his lips to the inside of EJ’s thighs, then higher on his cheeks. 

EJ shudders, his toes curling. He feels Nate pulling his cheeks apart and reaches for a pillow to push his face into because it feels like a lot, being this bare to Nate. 

“I can’t wait to get my mouth on you,” Nate says, and that in a way is grounding. 

It has EJ’s arms unclenching around the pillow, just a bit, but he still misses out on a breath when he feels Nate’s mouth on him, between his cheeks. 

“Nate,” he says. It sounds whiny, choked up, but Nate just leans in and drags his tongue along EJ’s crack. It’s wet and soft, and EJ makes another sound, too fucking desperate. 

Nate’s breathing is hard and shallow, EJ can feel it against his skin, and his makes this sound, almost a moan, when he finally gets his mouth on EJ’s hole. He just kisses him there first, and that feels weird in how reverent it feels to EJ, but then he works his tongue over it too, and that —

It’s wet, slick with spit, and it feels good but EJ has a hard time focusing on that just because of these sounds that Nate is making, desperate and moaning like he’s enjoying this so fucking much. 

EJ feels dizzy with that knowledge, and he reaches back and holds himself open, feels Nate tongue press inside him. It’s a lot, and so wet that EJ can feel spit dribbling down his crack, his balls, but it’s getting him there. 

Nate pushes one of EJ’s legs up and to the side, keeps fucking EJ with his tongue but slow, so fucking slow, and after a moment EJ just feels himself melt into the bed. He’s glad for the pillow because it muffles some of his noises, at least. 

Nate brings his hand down on EJ’s cheek at some point, and EJ can’t help the way his hips rock into the bed. It feels good, even though his dick still feels tender from Nate’s slacks, so he keeps doing it, grinding against the bed and then pressing back into Nate’s mouth. 

Nate moans, encouraging, and EJ can hear him taking these breaths, deep and almost gulping against his ass, like he’s gasping for air. It’s hot, knowing how into this Nate is, and it’s working for EJ, has him spreading his cheeks even wider, nails digging into the muscle. 

He’s loose and his hole is wet, so when Nate moves to press a finger inside EJ it goes easy,has EJ moaning into the pillow and rocking against the mattress. 

It feels good, Nate fucking him with his finger, but EJ knows he can’t come like this a second time. He keeps getting closer and close but it chafes and he’s making desperate sounds into the pillow, looking for relief. 

Then Nate pulls his fingers and guides EJ onto his back, his hands keeping EJ pressed to the bed as he takes him into his mouth. Nate’s mouth is wet but more than that it’s soft, and EJ makes this sound, low and wet and like it’s been ripped out of him. 

Nate takes him deep until he’s choking, then pulls back before taking EJ back into his mouth. It’s a lot, and it’s too soon before EJ’s coming in Nate’s mouth. It almost hurts but the relief more than makes up for it, and then Nate is kissing him, EJ’s stomach and his abs and his way up to EJ’s neck. 

Nate wipes the back of his hand over his mouth, and his lips look so red. EJ looks at him and then he leans up and kisses him, slipping his tongue into Nate’s mouth. He can taste himself there — or, he can taste come, and he knows it’s his — and Nate is a good kisser on any given occasion, so kissing him now feels intoxicating. 

They kiss until they’re both breathing hard and EJ can feel Nate gently starting to rock against him, his hard dick pressing into EJ’s thigh through Nate’s slacks. Nate pulls back first, and his lips look even worse than before, if possible. 

“I  _ really  _ want to fuck you,” he says. His voice shakes a little at the end but is otherwise steady, giving nothing away. 

EJ thinks that’s going to be a lot — he’s come twice and he knows he’ll be sensitive — but he wants that too, wants to feel Nate and make him feel good and be good  _ for  _ him. And EJ knows that is his dynamic, mostly, but he thinks part of it is also — Nate. 

He stretches across the bed and yanks open the top drawer on the bedside table, fishes until he grabs the lube. He hands it over to Nate even though he thinks — he thinks with how long Nate spent coaxing him open and how wet EJ still is from Nate’s spit they won’t need much of it. 

EJ still jerks when Nate moves his slick fingers over his hole, mostly because they’re cold. 

“Sorry,” Nate says. He pulls his hand back and rubs his fingers together, warming them up. 

“It’s fine,” EJ says because this — it feels strange, fragile, and EJ doesn’t know what to do with that other than reassure nate. 

He takes Nate’s hand and moves it back between his legs, feels Nate’s fingers rub over his rim and doesn’t jump. Nate pushes his fingers inside after a moment, and EJ spreads his legs more and presses into it, lets Nate move his fingers inside him until he’s slick with lube. 

EJ watches as Nate slicks himself up, moves his leg to the crook of Nate’s elbow when Nate guides him to, and lets Nate push his leg up to his chest. EJ feels exposed like this, open for Nate to see, but Nate just spent god knows how long with his face buried between EJ’s cheeks, moaning as he ate him out, so EJ supposes they’s moved past exposure.

He wants to laugh at himself, a little, except he sees Nate settle between his spread legs, feels Nate’s dick at his rim, and he has trouble breathing much less laughing. Nate’s dick is thick, and it stretches EJ as he pushes inside, and EJ already feels so sensitive. 

He squeezes his eyes shut and breathes through it, feels Nate rock into him, feels Nate’s chest on the back of his thigh as he leans down, pushing EJ’s leg to his chest. “You got it,” Nate says. His voice is soft and his dick hard inside EJ, his chest heavy against EJ. 

“You can take it.” Nate kisses EJ’s collarbone, his neck, and he’s hardly moving now. His hands stroke over EJ’s skin, his sides and his thigh, and he feels so good where he’s holding EJ in place. EJ could move, he knows, but he doesn’t want to, just clutches at Nate's shoulder as Nate moves inside him, bit by bit. 

“Yeah,” EJ breathes. He feels Nate’s hand on his cheek and opens his eyes, and it feels like a lot, the way Nate is looking at him. EJ doesn’t want to think about it too much so he leans up, as much as he can, and presses their lips together, feels himself go looser around Nate. 

“Yeah, babe, you got it,” Nate tells him. He moves again, slow and dragging, a bit deeper this time. “You’re so good for me,” he continues. 

EJ wonders when — if ever — Nate’s praise will stop having this sort of effect on him, warming him up from what feels like the inside out. He’s pretty sure, whenever that is, it’s not now, so he drinks it up, what Nate is offering, and lets Nate deeper inside him. 

EJ feels it when Nate pulls out, and he feels it even more when Nate pushes back in, knocking EJ’s breath out of his chest. EJ digs his nails into Nate's shoulders and kisses him, makes sounds into his mouth when Nate shifts his hips and gets it right, almost too much so. 

“Is that okay?” Nate asks, and he doesn’t sound — it’s not uncertain exactly, but not like he’s asking just to hear EJ talk about it either. 

EJ thinks Nate is somewhere in the middle right now, so he blurts out, “Yeah, just — keep going,” and his voice comes out rougher than he’d meant for it to. 

Nate runs his hand up EJ’s thigh, all the way to crook of EJ’s knee, and presses there, holding EJ steady as he moves inside him. He doesn’t go fast but his hips snap against EJ’s ass with every hard thrust.

EJ feels — it’s strange, but he feels good, in a distant sort of way because Nate is making sure to shift inside him just right but also EJ feels good because he's doing this for Nate. He’s making Nate feel good, and that’s maybe a bit embarrassing, so EJ chooses to blame it fully on his dynamic. 

It’s easier that way, and it makes meeting Nate’s eyes easier when he looks down at EJ too. Nate leans in to kiss him again, and EJ breathes against him, feels Nate move faster and faster still until his hips jerk and he’s just breathing against EJ’s mouth.

EJ swears he feels it inside him when Nate comes, feels Nate's dick and then feels himself get slicker too. He hears it too, in the catch of Nate’s breath, and and in the sound he makes, relieved and drawn out.

They breathe together after, just for a minute or two before Nate pulls out. He gently moves EJ’s leg back down to the bed, and EJ winces a bit because he hadn’t realized how tight his muscles had gotten. He thinks he should get up and shake it out, get to the shower, too, but Nate catches his hand when EJ moves to get up.

“Roll over,” Nate says, and he’s looking at EJ right in the eye as he says it, and EJ — he knows, instantly, what Nate means. 

His face burns and he feels himself go tense. “Nate,” he says, huffy, because Nate can’t — he can’t mean  _ that _ .

“EJ,” Nate says. “Be good for and roll over,” he continues. He still hasn’t looked away. 

EJ thinks there’s a line between regular sex and dynamic sex, and that feels pretty blurred, right about now. He knows, though, knows with a sobering sort of certainty, that if he said  _ no  _ or  _ stop  _ or  _ red  _ that Nate would cut it out. 

Maybe that’s what makes him roll over. Get his knees under himself and arch his back despite how hot his face feels. 

“Thank you,” Nate says, and it sounds like — it sounds like he means it, actually is thankful that EJ is letting him do this. 

Nate settles his hands on EJ’s ass and just touches him for the longest time, until EJ has stopped holding himself quite so tightly. He leans in, licks over EJ’s hole where he must taste like lube and dried spit and licks  _ into  _ him once EJ relaxes enough for that. 

Nate keeps making these sounds too, moaning even louder than before, and EJ’s face feels so hot. His ears burn and his cheeks feel like they’re on fire and he can’t help the way he presses into Nate’s tongue. Can’t help the way he rocks against Nate’s mouth either, or how loud he’s being, choked up noises that ring through the room and come back to pierce through his ears. 

EJ can feel Nate swallow against him, and he doesn’t even — he feels loose, and he can imagine what Nate is swallowing, and it feels embarrassing but not embarrassing enough that it’s not hot. Hot enough that EJ can feel his dick start to stir between his legs too, get hard as Nate’s tongue cleans him up. 

And that’s a thought that has EJ’s heart thumping in his chest, too loud, has Nate reaching around EJ to wraps his fingers around EJ’s dick, and EJ doesn’t think he can, but then Nate starts jerking him off, slow and gentle, and EJ  _ wants  _ to. 

He wants it bad enough that he feels tears prickle at his eyes, half embarrassment and half desperation. He breathes in wetly, feels Nate’s tongue thrust inside him and feels Nate's hand around him and comes like that, almost dry and painful in the way it feels ripped out of him. 

Nate keeps licking over EJ’s hole, only stops when EJ bows his back to get away from it. EJ sinks into the bed after, breathing hard, and feels Nate settle next to him. His hands are on EJ’s skin still, but they’re wandering aimlessly now, over EJ’s back and his shoulders. 

Nate gives him a few minutes like that, waiting until EJ’s breathing has settled before leaning into kiss his temple. “Good?” he asks. 

EJ wants to laugh and he does, a short, huffy thing. “Are you kidding me?” he mumbles into the pillow, and then turns his head to the side so he’s facing Nate. Nate, whose lips are red and and his hair dark with with sweat. 

Nate, who is still looking at EJ like he may not know, and EJ can’t have that. “Yeah,” EJ says. He smiles. “It was pretty awesome.”

Nate smiles. He threads his fingers through EJ’s hair, pushing it out of his face. “Thanks for letting me do it,” he says. His cheeks are a little red. 

EJ shrugs. “I’d do it again, so,” he says. “Anytime.”

Nate looks pleased at that. He keeps touching EJ, and it’s soothing, has EJ’s eyes slipping shut. He thinks he could sleep like this, and then Nate pulls on his hair, just a little but enough to bring him out of it. “Hm?”

“We need to shower,” Nate says. 

“ _ No _ ,” EJ says, drawn out and more than a little whiny but he just came three times and can’t feel his bones. 

“Yes,” Nate argues. EJ’s eyes are still closed, but Nate sounds amused. “You’re sticky, and I’m not sleeping next to a sticky person,” he continues, which is a compelling argument if nothing else.

EJ groans and gets up, complaining the whole way through the shower. Nate joins him a couple of minutes into, after he’s rinsed his mouth with mouthwash, and tells him to quit whining. “Do you want me to carry you to the bed?”

EJ scoffs. “If anyone’s doing the carrying,” he mutters, which gets a slap on the ass. 

“Mouthy,” Nate says. 

EJ shrugs. He feels abruptly courageous. “You like it,” he says. His heart beats in his ears as he waits for Nate’s response. 

Nate just smiles. He leans in and kisses EJ under the shower. “I do,” he says. 

It makes something twist inside EJ, harsh and deep, because Nate might like EJ and his mouthiness but not in the same way EJ likes Nate.

+

EJ tires to be cool about that, about him and Nate and what they have compared to what EJ wants, even does a good job of it until a couple of days later. They’re out again with a few days between their last game of the season and their first game against the Flames, and they’re celebrating. 

EJ sticks to beer, slowly works through a couple of them before he starts feeling a little buzzed. He downs two shots when Gabe asks him to as well, mostly because Gabe is making a sad face at him and he looks ridiculous but also it’s working. 

Gabe throws his arm over EJ’s shoulders once EJ finished off the second shot, pulls EJ to him and ruffles his hair. EJ pushes him away but Gabe keeps his arm there, and EJ slouches down a little until it’s comfortable. 

“Where’s your man?” Gabe asks him. “He’s due for a shot too.”

EJ rolls his eyes. “He’s not my man,” he says quickly, almost a reflex, but he searches the bar for Nate. He spots him making his way to them when a guy catches Nate’s attention. He steps up into Nate’s space and says something that makes Nate laugh, a little awkward. 

Nate says something, and then the guy puts his hand on Nate's bicep, fingers curling around the muscle, and EJ feels himself go tight. He holds his breath for the single second it takes for Nate to step out of the guys reach, but his face still feels warm by the time Nate makes it back to the table. 

“What was that about?” Gabe asks. There’s a vague edge to his voice that makes EJ feel awkward. 

Nate just shrugs. “He wanted to buy me a drink,” he explains. He meets EJ’s eyes and adds, “Told him I wasn’t interested.”

EJ looks at him and thinks about the guy’s hand on Nate's bicep. EJ trusts Nate, so he knows it’s not about that, but a part of him just feels oddly territorial right about now, and he has to fight down the urge to stand up and kiss Nate within an inch of his life in front of the guy’s face. 

EJ takes a breath, deep to try and settle himself, but it doesn’t work. He feels tense and Nate being across from him and out of reach isn’t helping. Nate keeps looking at him, too, his brows knitted together in confusion.EJ eventually gives up and heads to the restroom. 

Nate catches up to him halfway there, his fingers around EJ’s wrist. “Everything okay?” he asks. He sounds worried, and EJ feels bad. 

“Yeah, it’s — it’s fine,” he gets out. He thinks his pulse must be racing under Nate’s fingers. 

Nate makes a face. “I told him I wasn’t interested, honest,” he says. His eyes are soft and his voice a little loud, enough so that EJ can hear him. 

EJ breathes out. He takes a step closer, into Nate’s space. “I didn’t like him touching you,” he says. The admission makes his face burn because he has no right to feel that way, and maybe if he hadn’t had those two shots Gabe insisted on he wouldn't even be able to get the words out. 

Nate’s fingers tighten around EJ’s wrist. He leans up to EJ’s ear, murmurs, “You’re the one wearing my collar,” in this deep voice that makes EJ’s hairs stand on end. 

EJ chokes on his breath. He wants suddenly to reach up and touch his neck to make sure, but Nate beats him to it, his hand warm and steady over the collar, his fingers brushing EJ’s throat. 

EJ swallows against them. He pulls back a little, just enough to meet Nate’s eyes. “We should get out of here,” he says. He’s not usually this forward, content to let Nate take the lead, but it feels good now. 

It feels even better when Nate smiles, crooked in a way that has EJ feeling a little hot in his button-down. “Sounds good,” Nate says.

+

They end up at Nate’s this time, kissing their way to Nate’s bedroom. EJ feels the same way he had back at the bar, like he wants to take control, maybe. It’s a foreign feeling, and he’s not really sure what to do with it except just follow his gut. 

Nate makes a surprised face when EJ pushes him to sit on the bed but he goes with it. His hands settle on EJ’s thighs when EJ straddles him, and he lets EJ tangle his fingers in his hair and pull, just a little, enough to drag his head back and bare his throat. 

EJ takes a moment to look at Nate, at his red lips and his neck that is stretched out for EJ, and then leans down and kisses him, right over the collar of his shirt. EJ feels Nate’s chin press into the top of his head, and he tightens his fingers in Nate’s hair, holding him in place. 

“EJ,” Nate says. It’s breathy, a little weak. 

EJ stops and pulls back to meet his eyes. He has no idea what he's doing but he doesn’t want to make Nate uncomfortable, he’s sure of that. “Sorry, I…” he starts, but doesn’t know how to finish. His face feels like it’s on fire, it’s so warm. 

Nate swallows. His eyes dip down to EJ’s lips and back to his eyes again. “Keep going,” he says. His voice is so quiet. 

EJ wants to, and he wants Nate to feel good, so he leans down but a lot slower this time. He kisses Nate’s lips first, then his jaw where stubble is starting to grow in. His hands move to Nate’s tie, the buttons of his shirt, getting them undone. 

EJ runs his fingers over Nate’s throat now, gentle at first, getting Nate used to this but getting himself used to it too. When he finally presses his lips to Nate’s neck, Nate feels less tense, and EJ can feel his pulse against his lips. It’s a lot.

It makes EJ a little dizzy, a lot hot. He kisses Nate there until Nate is breathing harder, making these cut off sounds near constantly. Then he pushes at Nate’s shoulder until Nate is lying back and falls with him, preses Nate to the bed with his chest. 

Nate’s hands move up EJ’s back, and EJ likes that but more than that he — he wants to reach out and just hold Nate in place, hold him still. He slowly reaches for Nate’s wrists and takes them in his hands, presses them to the bed above Nate’s head. 

EJ feels how tense Nate is underneath him. He sees it too, in the way Nate is looking at him, eyes wide and a little guarded. If their positions were reserved, EJ would want Nate to praise him, just enough to take the edge off, but EJ doesn’t think this would be a good idea. He thinks it might be too much, not only for Nate but for himself too.

“Trust me?” he asks instead. 

Nate goes lax underneath him. “Of course,” he says. 

EJ smiles. He kisses Nate, slowly tightens his fingers around Nate’s wrists. Nate lets out this long breath through his nose, EJ feels it against his cheek, but he lets himself be held down. He could throw EJ off at any moment, EJ knows — he’s not really using his weight and Nate is strong — but Nate doesn’t.

It’s intoxicating, having Nate underneath him like this, and EJ finds himself get hot with it. He grinds his hips down, just a bit because he doesn’t want to overwhelm Nate, but Nate is right there with him. His breath hitches and he bucks his hips up into EJ, and between them they get a rhythm going, stuttered and slow but enough. 

Nate keeps biting his lip, his wrists tensing every few seconds in EJ’s fingers, but he doesn’t move to get away. EJ kisses his throat and then he kisses Nate’s lips too, feels the sound Nate makes into his mouth, high strung and desperate. 

“EJ,” he says, and EJ doesn’t know what Nate wants but he can feel the way Nate keeps pressing up into him, how hard his dick is against EJ’s hip.

EJ shifts until he’s got both of Nate’s wrists in his one hand and reaches between them with the other. He gets Nate’s belt undone one-handed and pushes his hand in Nate’s boxers, wraps it around his dick. 

Nate chokes on his breath, his whole body bucking with it. He leans up and catches EJ’s lips for a kiss. Nate’s wrists feel slack under EJ’s hand, and his body loose, and that’s the best part, EJ thinks. 

He jerks Nate off like that, and when Nate shakes EJ licks his palm and makes his hand wet for him. Nate gets come all over it when he finishes, his whole body writhing with it, lips parted against EJ’s. 

EJ keeps stroking him until Nate is curving his body away from it, and then he pulls back and straddles Nate’s hips again. He doesn’t wipe his hand clean, uses Nate’s come to jerk himself off, sticky but wet, until he’s coming on Nate’s stomach. 

EJ looks down at Nate after, at his messy hair and his flushed face; his red lips. At how he still hasn't moved his hands from where EJ put them. EJ looks at the come on Nate's stomach, too, and he kind of wants to clean it up with his mouth but mostly he wants to cuddle up to Nate five minutes ago, so he reaches for the tissues Nate keeps on his nightstand and wipes Nate off, then his own hand. 

EJ sinks down next to Nate after, throws his leg over Nate's and his arm over Nate’s chest and pulls Nate towards him. Nate is shivering a little, and his heart is beating fast under EJ’s palm, so EJ pinches the covers between his toes and pulls them up over the two of them even though they’re still dressed. 

“Okay?” he asks, after he’s made sure Nate is probably warm enough. 

“Yeah, I…” Nate trails off. There is a moment and then he he slowly slips his arm around EJ’s shoulders, almost hesitant. 

EJ presses into it in a way that he hopes comes off as encouraging. 

“I’ve just never — done that before,” Nate admits finally. 

EJ shrugs against him. “Me neither,” he says. It sounds easy to his own ears but it doesn’t feel that way. 

Nate is quiet for a few minutes, shifting minutely under the covers as he gets comfortable. He sounds more settled when he speaks again. “You don’t think — it was a little weird?”

EJ’s first instinct is to counter Nate’s question with something along the lines of, “your face is weird,” but Nate’s voice wavers a bit like he’s uncertain. “No,” EJ says instead, trying to put enough conviction in his voice that it will reassure Nate. 

EJ wants to say — more, so he does. “I enjoyed it,” and holds his breath for Nate’s response. 

Nate chuckles. It’s a little shaky still. “Yeah, I — me too,” he says. EJ is pretty sure Nate has more to say on the matter, but he doesn’t sound exactly willing and EJ doesn’t know how to push without worrying about driving him away so he just waits him out. 

“I don’t — won’t it be different now?” Nate finally blurts out. “When you sub for me,” he explains. 

EJ shrugs. “I don’t think so,” he says. He pulls back to meet Nate’s eyes because he thinks this next part is important. “You gave me what I needed, like you always do,” he continues. It feels like he’s laying himself bare for Nate to take jabs at, but Nate wouldn't, EJ knows, and more than that Nate needs to hear this. 

“I don’t see how that would make subbing for you any different,” EJ finishes. 

Nate is looking at him, eyes wide and a little awed. He threads his fingers through EJ’s hair and pulls his head back, leans in to press their lips together. “When you put it like that,” he mumbles, and his voice is a little shaky.

EJ doesn’t like that, so he shifts a little closer to Nate, pushing his face into Nate’s neck, and presses his lips to Nate’s neck, blowing kisses that have Nate laughing and trying to get away. EJ tightens his arms and holds him in place, and after a moment Nate stops trying, just — melts into it.

+

EJ wakes up first. He knows because he can feel the rhythmic brush of Nate’s breath against the back of his neck, and also he checks his phone and confirms it’s way too early. He wants to try and go back to sleep, so he rolls over, trying to get comfortable. 

Nate’s eyes are shut, his face slack, and he makes a face in his sleep at having his arm moved as EJ switches sides. EJ finds himself smiling at that, and then he has a couple of thoughts in quick succession. 

First, EJ thinks Nate’s face looks cute. Second that his body feels good where it’s warming EJ up under the covers, and that leads to EJ’s third thought: that he wouldn't mind waking up like this pretty much every morning. 

It’s a sobering thought, and EJ has had it before in various forms, so he waits for the fear that usually follows it, only it never comes. Instead he feels — settled. His palms aren’t sweating and his heart isn’t trying to beat out of his chest, for once, and EJ thinks he feels determined. 

An idea starts to take form in his head and before he knows he’s getting up, as quiet as he can and careful not to nudge Nate awake. They’d gotten undressed at some point before they showered last night, so EJ fishes his clothes from the floor and moves to the hallway to get dressed. He comes back for his phone after, doesn’t let himself think about it too much before leaning down to press a kiss to Nate’s cheek. 

EJ has this thought, but he has no idea how to materialize it except to head to Tiffany’s. He has to pace outside as he waits for the store to open, and he probably looks ridiculous in his wrinkled shirt and bedhead, but the woman who greets him is helpful nonetheless. 

She asks EJ what he’s looking for, and EJ has to stumble his way through an explanation. “I wanted, maybe, a cuff?” he says. He has to clear his throat to make the words come out, and the woman is still looking at him. “Like, traditional,” he says, “Leather, if you have something.”

His voice sounds awkward even to his own ears, but the woman seems satisfied. She leads him to another counter, this one farther into the store, and pulls out a tray of leather bracelets. She asks him if he had something particular in mind, but EJ can already feel himself starting to chicken out of this. 

“He’s, uh, I guess he’s not too flashy?” EJ tries. 

Miraculously, that narrows down the selection of cuffs. Still, it’s a lot of cuffs to choose from, and EJ finds himself getting a little lost in it until he spots a brown, multi-strap one. It’s leather and it looks soft, but what seals the deal for EJ is the tiny, silver horseshoe hanging from the end. 

“It’s for good luck,” the saleswoman explains.

“Sounds great,” EJ says, and “I’ll take it,” because he thinks he’ll need the luck.

+

EJ gets back to Nate’s and bangs his fist on the door until Nate lets him in. 

“Uhm, you know there’s a doorbell for that, right?” Nate says, but his face is pinched in this weird, miserable way that makes EJ’s stomach all tight and not in a good way. 

It makes EJ lose some of his carefully constructed confidence, but he powers through. “Thought I’d make an entrance,” he says dryly. 

Nate huffs. He starts walking to the kitchen and EJ follows him, watches him pour a fresh cup of coffee for EJ. He adds some milk and sugar, the way EJ likes it, and EJ doesn’t know what to do with that except stare. 

“What?” Nate asks him, eyes narrowed. 

“Nothing.” EJ shakes his head. Takes a breath. “Actually,” he starts, “I wanted to talk to you.” His heart is beating in his ears as he gets the words.

“Oh?” Nate says. He looks at EJ for a moment, then looks away, drums his fingers on the counter. It takes a moment for EJ to realize that Nate is nervous, mostly because EJis not used to seeing him that way. 

“Nate —” he starts, but Nate cuts him off. 

“Just get it over with,” he says, crossing his arms over his chest. 

EJ’s eyes widen. He’s pretty sure they’re not on the same page here, but Nate looks hardly willing to listen to anything, so EJ tries to make it quick. “I don’t — this contract isn’t working,” he says. “Not the way I want it to.”

Nate’s still not looking at EJ, his eyes focused on a spot on the kitchen table instead. 

“I don’t want this until the offseason,” EJ says. He takes a breath, deep, and tries to talk himself into just blurting out the last part. He opens his mouth, once, twice, and nothing comes out, and then Nate looks up at him, finally, so absolutely miserable that EJ has no choice but to shove his hand down his throat and pull his heart out, hold it out to Nate.

“I want it for the long haul,” he says. 

EJ looks at Nate, and Nate’s eyes are wide, disbelieving as he chews on his lip. Hope builds and builds in EJ’s under EJ’s ribs until he feels like his chest might burst with it.

“Yeah,” EJ continues. “Just — that.” He laughs once the words are out, a short, huffy thing, but he feels so much lighter.

Nate is quiet — they’re both quiet.

“Say something,” EJ says. He means for it to be lighthearted, just enough so to break the tension between them, but instead it’s fucking hopeful. 

“You —” Nate starts, cuts himself off. EJ watches him as he shakes his head, huffs. “You mean that?” he finally asks. His voice is quiet. 

EJ wants to roll his eyes and snap something at him but this feels too fragile. Instead he reaches into his jacket pocket and pulls out the Tiffany’s box. “I got you this,” he says simply. 

Nate steps closer and takes the box from EJ. He opens it slowly and then gives EJ a confused look, and it only dawns on EJ now how stupid this will be if Nate doesn’t actually want it. 

“You don’t have to wear it,” he says quickly, too quickly. “It’s just, like, I guess I thought you could if you wanted to, that’d be nice, but —”

EJ has to stop talking then because Nate's lips are on his, effectively shutting him up. Nate kisses him hard, one hand on the back of EJ’s neck, right over his collar, and the other holding the cuff pressed between them. 

“Honestly thought you’d never catch on,” Nate murmurs against EJ’s mouth, which —

“Huh?”

Nate’s face is a little red like he’s embarrassed. “I, uh, I’ve wanted that, too,” he says. “For a while.”

EJ lets out a breath. He feels like a huge weight has been lifted off him, like he can breathe easier with how relieved he feels. 

“Now put it on me,” Nate says. His voice has grown deep, and EJ shivers. 

He reaches out for the box and gently takes the cuff out. Nate holds out his wrist and EJ wraps it around him, three times, then clips it shut. He meets Nate's eyes, and he doesn’t have to ask if Nate likes it because his face says enough.

+

Epilogue

EJ is lying on his stomach on Nate’s too expensive sheets with Nate sitting across his hips, holding him down. His body feels tight with anticipation, and he jerks at the first drop of wax on back. 

“Be good,” Nate tells him. His voice is a little rough.

EJ fists his hands around the white bedsheets, feels another drop land on his skin. The wax is just warm, not scorching, and Nate praises him when EJ doesn’t move. 

“Be still now,” he says. 

EJ thinks he tips the candle then because he starts to feel it streak across his back, warm and tingly. The streaks feel thick, carefully placed, and EJ stopped counting numbers a while ago but he still feels  _ 29  _ mold to the muscles of his back as the wax hardens. 

 

**Author's Note:**

> WARNINGS: there is one scene in the beginning of the fic where EJ is not in the best frame of mind but scenes with a dom and ends up using his safe word. if you want to skip that, you can start reading after "EJ is shivering by the time".
> 
> also if you feel like something else should be tagged let me know and i'll get to it!
> 
> i am on twitter @ hearteyesmofo where i am regularly going through it lmao


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